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Tenuous Claims to Fame.

Haha . It was work related though and I think he just loved to surround himself with big burly coppers .
I wish at the time I sussed who it was so I could have really wound him up . The strange pratt that he was .

He always reminds me of a gay version of Gordon Brittas from the Brittas Empire
 

Londo

LE
Is this one day, at some point in the future when you no longer need security clearance for your work?
Don't need security clearance to be retired and this was some years ago and involved a large shop full of workers and a visit by 12 big burly coppers . Plus the gaylord himself .
I'll try and get round to telling all tonight .
It's not what you all are thinking and to most will be quite boring .
 

In_Twists

Old-Salt
It wasn't in the Warwick Castle on Portobello Road was it? She and Jason Donovan got barred from there, much to our relief, because she was such an annoying gobsh*te after a couple of shandies.
Mind you, back then, I still would have.


Sent from my karzi while losing several pounds

Yes it was! I couldnt remember the name so thanks. With the separate snug bar bit where you had to duck underneath to get to.
 
My dad has seen Rolf Harris's cock. They were part of the opening ceremony for a swimming baths and got changed in the communal changing room before diving in as part of the ceremony. Obviously many years before the revelations about Rolf and what he got up to with his didgerydoo surfaced...

Ons of Rolfs favourite chat up lines

"Do you fancy a bit of Australian cock?"

Apparently said to any reasonably attractive young lady with no preamble and no care whether it caused offence

Left lots of said young ladies in tears and allowed to go unchecked by senior BBC staff
Common knowledge for years

Told to me by a former BBC technician who witnessed it several times
His complaints were dismissed because the talent had to be allowed some slack
 

RedDinger

Clanker
The A-List star, Richard Nankivell , was the guest announcer at our Squadron Xmas do one year. Bloody nice bloke he was too.
 
The A-List star, Richard Nankivell , was the guest announcer at our Squadron Xmas do one year. Bloody nice bloke he was too.

Remember the time in BAOR when he was asking kids On BFBS what their dads did when they came back from exercise.

”Daddy gives us a kiss , he is smelly so has a long shower”

”Daddy’s gives us a kiss, he is smelly he has a shower but has also a beer in the shower”

“Daddy comes home”

And ?

”Daddy Gets out his green army blanket on the floor” ? Poncho?

And?

”Mummy brings the slimy green soap from the kitchen”? Fairy liquid?

And?

“Mummy and Daddy get undressed and wrestle on the floor”?
 
If it was this one, I wouldn't be surprised!
View attachment 506622
I once cracked out 10 wanks to her in a day.
Banned from going ashore so me and a mate had a competition.
He was flagging after 5 tugs but mid afternoon me and Theresa romped it to victory.
Went down NAAFI to celebrate and blokes were treating me like I climbed Everest twice in a day.
Monday morning and the CSM collared me.
I hear you spent your time wisely. 10 eh fair play.
Next weekend you can get amongst the whores downtown again.
He had a look of faraway pride in his eyes the soppy old cunt
 
Ons of Rolfs favourite chat up lines

"Do you fancy a bit of Australian cock?"

Apparently said to any reasonably attractive young lady with no preamble and no care whether it caused offence

Left lots of said young ladies in tears and allowed to go unchecked by senior BBC staff
Common knowledge for years

Told to me by a former BBC technician who witnessed it several times
His complaints were dismissed because the talent had to be allowed some slack
How often did he score though? The antipodean nonce.
 

Teeblerone

Old-Salt
Moira Stewart asked me what cake I was going to make with molasses sugar and accepted a spare pack of sultanas I had, because she'd forgotten to get any.
She was quite lovely and taller than expected.
(I would've, but being slung out the supermarket without cake ingredients was just too high a price to pay)
 

Londo

LE
The story of my tenuous claim to fame involving the infamous Brian Paddick
I was at the time working for a retail stocktaking firm and that night was with about 30 others doing an overnight stock take of a Woolworths (remember them) in South London somewhere .
At 02.00 a lunch break was called and I was one of the first out the door for a much needed smoke . Just as I sparked up and with almost military precision 6 police cars pulled up to the curb , each with 2 coppers inside apart from the first which had an inspector in the back .
The back seater beckoned me over and wound down the window about 1/2 inch and lisped " what's going on here " ? So I replied it's a stocktake and he went into one , spitting feathers and at the same time lisping " Why wasn't I informed " ? " I must be informed of anything going on in my patch " If the window had been open a bit more I'm sure he would have chucked his teddy out the car .
Next he's asking who's in charge here ? get them for me . So off I toddled inside , found the guy running the job and he went outside a got an ear bashing for the next 15 minutes It was only on reflection I thought I should have gone back in and sat down for my packed lunch and said nothing and wait for the fireworks :)
The twelve coppers sitting in the cars looked bored as hell with his antics and I'm sure they were very embarrassed by his actions .
I remember thinking at the time they were all traffic cars as well .
So that's my tale of a night with the biggest poof in the Metropolitan Police :D
EDITED to correct some of the many spelling mistooks
 
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Remember the time in BAOR when he was asking kids On BFBS what their dads did when they came back from exercise.

”Daddy gives us a kiss , he is smelly so has a long shower”

”Daddy’s gives us a kiss, he is smelly he has a shower but has also a beer in the shower”

“Daddy comes home”

And ?

”Daddy Gets out his green army blanket on the floor” ? Poncho?

And?

”Mummy brings the slimy green soap from the kitchen”? Fairy liquid?

And?

“Mummy and Daddy get undressed and wrestle on the floor”?

Go Swarfega!
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
The story of my tenuous claim to fame involving the infamous Brian Paddick
I was at the time working for a retail stocktaking firm and that night was with about 30 others doing an overnight stock take of a Woolworths (remember them) in South London somewhere .
At 02.00 a lunch break was called and I was one of the first out the door for a much needed smoke . Just as I sparked up and with almost military precision 6 police cars pulled up to the curb , each with 2 coppers inside apart from the first which had an inspector in the back .
The back seater beckoned me over and wound down the window about 1/2 inch and lisped " what's going on here " ? So I replied it's a stocktake and he went into one , spitting feathers and at the same time lisping " Why wasn't I informed " ? " I must be informed of anything going on in my patch " If the window had been open a bit more I'm sure he would have chucked his teddy out the car .
Next he's asking who's in charge here ? get them for me . So off I toddled inside , found the guy running the job and he went outside a got an ear bashing for the next 15 minutes It was only on reflection I thought I should have gone back in and sat down for my packed lunch and said nothing and wait for the fireworks :)
The twelve coppers sitting in the cars looked bored as hell with his antics and I'm sure they were very embarrassed by his actions .
I remember thinking at the time they were all traffic cars as well .
So that's my tale of a night with the biggest puff in the Metropolitan Police :D
What a clown, reminds me of my first company 2 I/c
 
Yes it was! I couldnt remember the name so thanks. With the separate snug bar bit where you had to duck underneath to get to.

It has been hacked about (like every other boozer around here). The bar no longer goes around the back so that they could shoehorn the kitchen into it and that the brewery can make tidy sum renting out the top floors as two apartments.
Plus they changed the name to the Castle 'cos it is, like trendier izzit. FFFS.
Until recently, it was very difficult to get barred from there. Until several guv'nors ago, the only one I knew of was Loony Brian who sliced up a drug dealer that he owed cash to.
Now they make the weed smokers stand outside the plumbers' merchant next door.


Sent from my karzi while losing several pounds
 

Issi

War Hero
I once had to deal with a pretty famous MP.
She had a home office, and I had to stand on the landing and liaise with her PA , as she was working in the back bedroom.

Me ( to the PA) " I would like to inspect the attic please"
PA- "I'll just check with Mrs MP....... she said yes"

"I'm just going to inspect the roof from the rear garden"
" Can you wait for a minute.........whisper.whisper........Mrs MP said that yes, you may inspect the roof"

This went on for half an hour or so, and not once did she lower herself to come and talk to me.

Anyway, after some deliberation, I declined the claim for storm damage, as it was clearly wear and tear.

As one might imagine, that decision went down really well!

There were subsequent letters to the CEO on Houses of Parliament headed notepaper, and bosses querying my reasons for declining the claim.

I still maintained my decision though!
 
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Ons of Rolfs favourite chat up lines

"Do you fancy a bit of Australian cock?"
Told to me by a former BBC technician who witnessed it several times
His complaints were dismissed because the talent had to be allowed some slack

"You got any Australian in you?"

"Why no Gallant Sir."

"D'ya want some?"


Sent from my karzi while losing several pounds
 

sirbhp

LE
Book Reviewer
I once cracked out 10 wanks to her in a day.
Banned from going ashore so me and a mate had a competition.
He was flagging after 5 tugs but mid afternoon me and Theresa romped it to victory.
Went down NAAFI to celebrate and blokes were treating me like I climbed Everest twice in a day.
Monday morning and the CSM collared me.
I hear you spent your time wisely. 10 eh fair play.
Next weekend you can get amongst the whores downtown again.
He had a look of faraway pride in his eyes the soppy old ****

Do you think that she has read all those books ?
 
It's traditional to remind everyone (for the umpteenth time)- that I've been called a c*nt by Richard Madeley at this stage, I understand.
 
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