Apologies if this has been done (to death) 10. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer. 9. You own a $300 machine gun and a $5000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. 8. You have more wives than teeth. 7. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. 6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared jihad against. 5. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry ammunition in your robe. 4. You've never been asked, "Does this burka make my bum look big?" 3. You were amazed to discover that mobile phones can do more than set off roadside bombs. 2. You've never heard the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave." 1. And the NUMBER ONE sign you might be a member of the Taliban... You wipe your arse with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean. '