Tell me to fuck off then crack me in the gob

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by TheIronDuke, Jan 6, 2013.

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  1. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Please. I will shut my eyes and count to three (actually I will nut you on the count of one but I never said I wouldn't lie, did I?).

    Moving on. I find myself in SE Asia. The Land of Smiles. And I have had enough of it. Smiling shortarse rice burning dipshits. Fucking smiling motherfuckers.

    I have a horrible Rav Toyota pickup which spews diesel fumes upon gap-year eco-warrior cyclists and mixes it with everything but the concrete trucks. I have a full-on bi-polar attitude problem and fucking anger management issues and I am probably armed.

    I am on top of Bokar mountain. The Rav has a full tank and I am not in the fucking mood, you know?

    If an honest Englishman would have the decency to tell me that he did my Mum and he hopes I die in a fire, WITHOUT SMILING, I should regard it as a favour.

  2. Grumblegrunt

    Grumblegrunt LE Book Reviewer

    I am not doing your mum again, the once was enough and keep smoking in bed as there's a chamber pot full of paraffin under the bed for you.


    that do ya? and yo momma of course - again
  3. And they've never heard of Deltics I take?
  4. You didn't get the "... long time" then?
  5. It could be worse, you could be in the good ol' US of A.
    Have a nice day. :D
  6. What's a deltic?

    Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2
  7. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    • Like Like x 1
  8. Wordsmith

    Wordsmith LE Book Reviewer

    Didn't you forget to mention the massive case of the shits you always get in Asia, together with the rabid beggars who won't take no for an answer and keep screeching out something incomprehensible with outstretched hands.

    Oh, and the hotels with a hot water tank that holds 2 gallons max - which means you always get a cold shower unless you get up at stupid o'clock so you're the first person to shower that morning.

    Not that I'd want to make you feel worse, you understand...

  9. A shoulder muscle.
  10. Is that a factoid?
  11. Did you take off to SE Asia on a whim? Are you there alone without a support mechanism in place?

    You dense fucker. You know the rules. The place is crawling with Cong, Japs and the remnants of the Glitter Band and you're wandering about the countryside in a non-deltic weaing a pith helmet with your fathers Webley tucked in your belt?

    Contact eodmatt now. He can get you a motor. And proper weaponry. And girls. Lots of girls. Some without dicks.
    • Like Like x 12
  12. What is it? A Cooks tour for hairdressers?
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Your well out of it ID Arrse is a bit of a knitting circle at the moment.
    Spread the word about white mans magic Rand Rover the 4x4 you can mend with a big hammer and too manly for a ladyboy to drive.
  14. So TID's house is empty at the moment? Very interesting. ...............
  15. Grumblegrunt

    Grumblegrunt LE Book Reviewer

    its only empty when the wimmin in the basement stop breathing