Tell me more....

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by thegreasemonkey, Aug 2, 2013.

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  1. There's a hell of a lot of people on here, still serving or left service, a lot have done 22 years plus, one day I will be that OLD! Tell me about how ur life panned out, was u married when u left? Did u have a mortgage when u left? Did u go homeless? What happened to all these great characters after 22+ years? Intrigued to hear your stories...
  2. Go to the 'Old n Bold'. Read it all there.

    Edited to add: No, sod that, just buy my book :)
    • Like Like x 6
  3. Joined '83 did 25 years. Started Inf left as a Corps. Got married on the way - still married. Left UK for Canada with a slack handful of cash. Worked my arse off to catch up with my peers. Would I do it all again - in a heart beat. Slightly shit faced as I type this or it might slightly longer.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. or buy his book...
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Give the chap a chance, he doesn't even have a decent keyboard let alone enough funds for a book.

    It's got a load of letters missing

    Sent via Crayola, using the red crayon
  6. I thought the mods stamped hard on text speak? :? Maybe they are too busy elsewhere tooling up for an invasion from mumsnet? :?

    Angry Owl Dirty Harry Quote.jpg
  7. Of all the tall tales, the derring-do done by old soldiers, and you are interested in mortgages

    Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
  8. The cynic in me sees a journalist, but not with that spelling.

    Unless it's a cunning ploy
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Well I was born in the 70's so naturally joined the army just after the second world war. I wanted to be a spitfire pilot in the RAF but apparently my waxed moustache would have caused the Soviet nut jobs to kick off because of it's atomic awesomeness.
    I set about becoming an infantry legend by skiving off a lot and getting spanner rash track bashing on armoured vehicles that were gash the day they were built, (thank you Jaguar for the J60 MK100 B engine) never got more than 600 miles out of one before it piled in.
    I drank an awful lot and spewed most of that back up before I decided to Join her majesties secret special forces of black kit.
    After performing rather well at "the siege" (I was the one who went in at the end to pick up the brass and fag butts, and basically sanitise the area of any gringo tache's that may have become dislodged during the tomfoolery, I was promoted to commander in chief of the second shelf down in the CQMS stores........Norgies.
    My special talent was making tea and coffee taste just like range stew.
    I served out my full 9 years 7 months getting an RSM's pension as I had never been promoted, apart from the 2 times I had.
    I also fired my OC's dog out of an artillery piece despite never having fired an artillery piece and to this day I'm pretty sure I'm the only man in history to get away with chinning the razz man when he woke me up for stag.
    I served in Germany, but not during the cold war, again my tache made me ineligible, we were on the brink, man, think of the children.
    I did some tours "over the water" and happily didn't die while "doing the hills or tree's"
    I also did some tours in the Balkans and never once felt the need to strap mine or anyone else's guitar to the outside of my CVR(T)
    I then served my last tour in the desert, loafing around 6 weeks behind the actual fighty troops, which I'm not going to lie to you, was fucking shit.
    What promised to be my "Rambo moment" turned out to be more of a "bagpuss" moment desperately trying to sleep away that shit tour.
    I then left the army with a sizeable fortune, consisting of about 12 grand give or take, which I thought was fucking awesome, given that having 12 grand in the bank as a squaddie was loads, in the real world however it was barely enough to put down a deposit on a shitter in a council estate in possibly the most depressing area of the world outside of an Indian rape camp.

    So I became an international man of mystery, taking on "contracts" for the highest bidder, some were good, some just weren't, don't judge me man, you weren't there.

    Anyway I now have a house, a wife, 2 kids, 2 cats, a Pug, a sausage dog and 2 cannibal goldfish, who ate my 2 tank cleaning loaches the fucking sick bastards.

    I'm not really sure how I ended up here, given that I was a pretty good skiver, though I always prided myself on being able to look like I was cutting about, kept myself fit, and had an uncanny ability to remember bullshit information that DS seem to love.

    I also do a side line in training animals to be spies, I trained that vulture caught by the turks, the monkey caught by Ikea, although I thought his disguise as a used car salesman was spot on, and I also trained the cow that very recently scaled a building and assassinated a man.

    All of the above is absolutely true, apart from the parts that are complete bollocks.
    Look for me on the next walt parade I'll be the one wearing the falklands medal, VC, legion wings, class 1 soldier wreath, campaign medals from before I was born, and dressed in a flight suit with a crash helmet with fury ears on so they waggle in the wind when I open the window of my plywood Iranian stealth fighter.
    • Like Like x 5
  10. Corps colours, crap name, VM, REME, cant be a journalist

    Just a young soldier curiously interested in 22years plus, service. Who end up homeless

    You spelt cunting pleb wrong

    Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
  11. Havocthecat,I can't believe you have a 'tache.
  12. Thats a BLESMA head, you had yours blown off didnt you???

    Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
  13. I do indeed, right now I'm sporting a whole "shit beard, shit tache" combo.

    I think it makes me look manly and like a steeley eyed gunslinger.

    The wife thinks it makes me look like a scruff bag who can't be arsed to shave, which isn't far from the truth to be fair.

    (Edited 3 fucking times, due to shit picture quality and a distinct lack of talent when pasting shit with Paint.)

    Attached Files:

  14. 22 years? pah.
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  15. Let me see. Joined when I was 16years and 65 days old. Left 24 years later so I was naturally enough totally institutionalized and had no life skills whatsoever. When I left I had not the first clue about living so I am now living under a bridge in a cardboard box and posting this from my imaginary laptop.

    I mean imagine saving any amount of money every month for 20 odd years when you could be spending it on tax free booze, fags and cars. What would be the point in that?
    • Like Like x 2