Tele Sales baiting

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Hattie_Jacques, Sep 12, 2005.

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  1. I have it by the phone right now. Watch and shoot, watch and shoot! :lol:
  2. I spent a few days selling double glazing by phone when I was a student. It was a rotten job made worse by slimy tactics. I was glad to pack it in after a few shifts.

    My boss was on the front page of Fiesta that month (Ruth you know who you are) so it was not totally wasted time.

  3. I love winding them up. I have been getting a spate of calls from India wanting to know if I want to buy 3G phones.
    I always say yes, tell them I am a super heavy user with a phone bill of over £300 a month (reality - £30) and I will also need another 4 phones for my kids (Reality 0 kids).
    By this time the siht on the other end of the phone is creaming himself. He is seeing BIG $ALES. I ask about the phones and how safe they are. He reads some stats off a card next to his phone. "Wow, that safe! best get one for the wife! She's a super heavy user as well!" (reality - not married)
    So the siht is about to get a big sale after hundreds of duff phonecalls. SIX phones!!! BIGGEST packages available!!! $$$$$
    Then I hang.
    They then phone right back to finish the sale.
    "Thank god you called back must be a bad connection" I say.
    Then I hang up.
    They call back.
    "Thank god you called back must be a bad connection. Where are you calling from?" I say.
    I hang up.
    They call back.
    "Thank god ...... alled bac... must be connection. Where are you calling from?" I say, slowly winding them in.
    "CrapPhones ltd"
    "In India?"
    "Er yes"
    "Cool, AMEX Gold card with diamond inlay ok to pay with?"
    I hang up.
    They phone back "Mr Cowboy, it's a bad line can I take your credit card details now?"
    "Er who is this?"
    "Crapphone ltd, you where about to order 6 phones and packages for you wife and children"
    "I have no idea what you are talking about! I'm not married and I have no kids. p!ss off."
    I hang up.
  4. Years back in our first home, we were plaigued buy a conservatory rep... He would not feck off. So we gave in... yes mate, my address oh right... flat 3 136 Cher***n Road, blah, blah.
    Ah, Mr Pomps we spoke the other day......... Cnuty Bollox pitches up with tape measure, poor guy was gutted when he realised his error, as it was top floor flat as flat three usually is! Tosser!
  5. Nice one Pomps.

    I also find putting on a comedy foreign accent works. The Mad German works well.
    "Vot ist your name?... Vy are you calling me? Ve have Vays of making you talk!"
  6. Simple but effective....I take the call, explain politely that I'm not the person who pays the phone bill, but ask them to hold the line while I go and get them.

    then I just place the phone down carefully, walk away and get on with my life. After about half an hour, check to see if they're still there.

    They never have been yet.
  7. sirbhp

    sirbhp LE Book Reviewer

    being a telesales person meself.. well ok not sales as such, we call giving government grants for free loft insulation and cavity wall insulation I am amazed at how thick people are on the end of the phone ...
    " please give us a password for your safty that is not connected with your banking or your computer "

    " will dasiy do ? i use that for my banking and my computer id.s"

    " i am gald to tell you that your are entitled a free government grant so when was your loft last insulated ? "

    " when I moved in " " when i got married " before son / daughter was born "

    believe it or not we love it when a punter plays up coz it realy does brighten up our otherwise dull and boring shifts.

    So any you householders on benefits, credit or allowences ? own yer property? want a free grant to insulate yer loft 0r cavity walls this winter ?

    ho ho ho . I can blow fings up and it came to this doh .
  8. First of all:

    FCUK OFF!!!!

    Secondly, nobody wants to hear tele-sales war stories.

    Thirdly, FFS learn to type. People like you are the reason companies can't spell my name properly on correspondence and half my post ends up in Ulan Bator.

    Fcuking mong.
  9. sirbhp

    sirbhp LE Book Reviewer

    Why fank yew kind sir,
    my life is now fully complete. I havnt had a decent bolixxing since I were in the mob.
    Still waiting.
    I could make more noise rattling my balls in a biscuit tin. !

    ok ok I wasnt realy in the mob i was just a sapper so what do you expect .
  10. Quite frankly, what did you expect by coming on this thread, above all others, and announcing you're a tele-sales mong? Even the necrophiliacs on this site get a few laughs, but all this will meet with are howls of derision.

    And you'd rather work telesales than re-enlist? Surely, the life in the RE can't be that shite. If you'd had enough of the army, surely you must be qualified for SOMETHING better after a stint there. My condolences if there's nothing better around in your local area, but please, don't act like you enjoy what you do. Get up, dust yourself off. Improvise, adapt, overcome and get on with your life as opposed to rotting away in a 21st Century sweat shop that is about to be sent to Delhi anyway.

    "Look at you man, you're a fcuking mess! Don't you ever speak to me again, d'you hear?"
    - From the aptly-named film Once Were Warriors
  11. I do this all the time too. Gives me a little chuckle in life knowing that they are getting REALLY p****d off!! Another thing that keeps Mr Scotch_Mist amused involves junk mail. He saves all the crappy junk mail and sends it back to the companies in their postage paid envelopes! Always wonder what the annoying insurance companies make of the local pizza delivery and double glazing offers! Best of all the companies have to pay twice! Once to send it to me and once to get it back.
    Oh Yes!! :D
  12. Oh dear I didn't read previous thread link! sorry
  13. sirbhp

    sirbhp LE Book Reviewer

    sorry to pizz on yer parade Scotch ole bean.. but whilst we are on hold waiting for yew not to come back it gives us a break and allows us some time to scan the newspaper .
    Thats what the job does to you i am afraid , next week we are going to have lots of fun. We are all to come in wearind funny hats so I think that i shall wear a crab hat that should make them all chuckle .

    And wots wrong with my spelling / it was good enuff to exempt me from all exams up to the rank of Staffy in the mob . ??

    " thats allright old boy wasnt offering to do it myself ." zulu. best training film ever made .