team building and other company motivational rubbish, As a follow on from the company Christmas do thread

ugly

LE
Moderator
I wasn't sure why the company Christmas do was in the old and bold but thanks to Fiona TG I am of mind to set this up in the naafi. Now apparently civilian companies feel their employees need motivating. I have been to a few, one where we were expected (we being a team of brash consultants) to dress up and improvise historic events in the style of, and then the other teams would hold up a card with the theme. S robin hood meets maid marion in the style of Bugsy Malone. Right sad wasn't it. The lead consultant made his excuses and walked. His security pass was revoked that night (I am sure this was their plan all along) and we didn't see him again.
Another I attended which had no possible use to the way the business worked (Railway companies are tied up in masses of regulatory red tape and cant cut to the chase) was from one of the Olympic rowers who won a gold in Sydney. It was a good session, got us away from our desks but his theme of "Does it make the boat go faster" and if not then dont do it, was at a complete tangent from the regulatory world we inhabited. Still nibbles and a brew, a nice mug and an early finish worked for me.
I couldn't tell you his name, frankly professional hop, skip and jump types hold no fascination for me.
So whats the worst even you have enjoyed endured and why was it such a colossal fail for the management?
Edited to correct the Olympic chaps talk, now that I have remembered it!
 
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Simulated Clay Pigeon shooting.
This was back in the mid 90s, in the glow of the Mandela Rainbow Nation everyone-loves-everyone era.
Our 'parachuted-in' CEO - a gentleman of sombre hue - had discovered it, and decided that he was pretty good at the sport, so dozen-handed we descended on the range for a 'team build', where all the chaps and lasses from various departments, and various backgrounds, and various hues, would have a really good time in a 'fun competitive' atmosphere and we'd all be big mukkers afterwards.
Umm, not a good idea.
For some reason that nobody thought about, the white chaps finished 1 2 3, by a long chalk, with CEO 6th.
Oops - so much for addressing diversification and integration.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
I was a guest at a corporate clay shoot. I came second much to the other guests howls about me being there to fix the scores. Oddly enough I wasn't, have never had a clay lesson and consider 50% of birds shown to be hit a grand day out. I must have had a really good day. The funny thing is we were all working on the same contract for Metronet apart from the chap who came first, he was a stalking horse to win the cash prize to be split with the organiser on the way home.
Me I just enjoyed myself and asked that my scores weren't counted!
 
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At an IT company, the Directors bigged up a team building day that would be good for morale and bring work teams to together to work better

And whilst essentially whilst voluntary it was pretty obvious that non attendance would be frowned on

And the clincher it was going to be held on a Saturday ffs

In the end they cancelled it as they thought we hadn't worked hard enough through the year to deserve it

Way to go to shore up crumbling morale, but at least they cancelled it so whilst it was bad for morale it meant not losing a day off
 
I'm delighted to say I've never had to endure any such nonsense. Entirely due to the civil engineering industry being tighter than a camel's arse in a sandstorm when it comes to spending their own money. The most that happens is an annual "Director's Road Show" where the top crooks come around to tell us how well we've done but if we don't work harder next year we'll be out on our arses. A great morale builder.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
I worked for a Spanish owned firm for a few months last year, dire to say the least. They wanted to take the client out to some sort of escape the haunted house event. Idiots hadn't realised that the clients were consultants when they emailed us asking if we wanted to attend with a second follow up email stating that consultants weren't invited due to a lack of space.
Idiots, as if I'd want to spend a minute after work locked in a room with them!
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
I like that phrase "gentleman of sombre hue".
In Series 3 of Spearhead, Mayhoe describes himself as "the curly-haired bloke."
 
Team building days. They're shit. Every fucking one.

I have never, bearing in mind, I used to work in local government, been to an event designed to engender "team spirit", that didn't make me want to kill someone. Messily!

No one, not even the organisers, want to be there. Give us money. Really, we'll appreciate it more.
 
I wasn't sure why the company Christmas do was in the old and bold but thanks to Fiona TG I am of mind to set this up in the naafi. Now apparently civilian companies feel their employees need motivating. I have been to a few, one where we were expected (we being a team of brash consultants) to dress up and improvise historic events in the style of, and then the other teams would hold up a card with the theme. S robin hood meets maid marion in the style of Bugsy Malone. Right sad wasn't it. The lead consultant made his excuses and walked. His security pass was revoked that night (I am sure this was their plan all along) and we didn't see him again.
Another I attended which had no possible use to the way the business worked (Railway companies are tied up in masses of regulatory red tape and cant cut to the chase) was from one of the Olympic rowers who won a gold in Sydney. It was a good session, got us away from our desks but his theme of "Does it help to win the race" and if not then dont do it, was at a complete tangent from the regulatory world we inhabited. Still nibbles and a brew, a nice mug and an early finish worked for me.
I couldn't tell you his name, frankly professional hop, skip and jump types hold no fascination for me.
So whats the worst even you have enjoyed endured and why was it such a colossal fail for the management?
Thanks ugly, just to cover what I had posted on the other thread;

"One former boss (former RA Major as it happens) used to love hiring David Taylor (author of the Naked Leader and other such tripe), at some considerable cost no doubt. On one occasion we were lying on the floor listening to whale sounds while he wondered around muttering platitudes. Barry W fell asleep and started snoring. I wondered what the Finance Director (and the rest of the business for that matter) who did not like our boss would make of how company money was being spent on that day. That was as much as I got out of it and I am not sure anyone else got anything more than that. It seemed like the pinnacle of snake oil salesmanship to me.

We also had another several days long such event, the high point for me was winning a small Telly Tubby toy on a plinth for a story that I related (I still have it and fix it to the top of the Christmas tree every year where it is right now). The rest of the time on cake making exercises etc. plus mega-boring dinner evenings did nothing for me, I was so glad when it was over.

Some of the guys went on an even more excruciating experience held in NY and one of them told me on his return that he nearly walked out at one point to get a taxi to the airport and return home. I was glad I did not go to that one.

What a load of cobblers."
 
Team building days. They're shit. Every ******* one.

I have never, bearing in mind, I used to work in local government, been to an event designed to engender "team spirit", that didn't make me want to kill someone. Messily!

No one, not even the organisers, want to be there. Give us money. Really, we'll appreciate it more.
Unless the event involves drinking copious amounts of free booze, then strangely it's very popular until the booze runs out
 
Best team building option in my opinion? Find a decent pub and the boss puts their card behind the bar and leaves everyone to get on with it.

At my last place the options were the usual bowling, darts type competition plus beers somewhere local after work type. I thought this is just so unimaginative and when it came to my turn I suggested that we go off to Bletchley Park for the day to explore as people liked, and seeing as it was an IT department that struck a good chord with everyone.

To add a bit of team element to it I suggested that in the days before the event I would send everyone a substitution code cypher text message along with some insights into the weaknesses of substitution codes that would help them decode the cypher text to get the plain text message back, the winner getting a small shield with the cypher text and actual key engraved on it. This would also have allowed those unable to actually attend to take part.

Everyone thought this was a cracking idea and much better than the usual bone suggestions that are offered but alas I was not there long enough to put it into place. Anyone wanting to use this idea please feel free.
 
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Our lot are off to an Escape Room themed event in January. Thankfully, I’m otherwise engaged, but the usual suspects are very enthused about it all. I’m praying they never find the key to get out - it may improve things at work!
 
The museum of computing at Bletchley, that's like porn for geeks

Did you see the Golliwogs for sale in the vintage shop on site ?
 
The museum of computing at Bletchley, that's like porn for geeks

Did you see the Golliwogs for sale in the vintage shop on site ?
I haven't been yet, I keep promising and will make it I am sure. I'll keep an eye keep an eye out for the items you mention when I finally do get there.
 
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Our lot are off to an Escape Room themed event in January. Thankfully, I’m otherwise engaged, but the usual suspects are very enthused about it all. I’m praying they never find the key to get out - it may improve things at work!
Future son-in-law is the manager of one of those places. Some of the brainless wankers of customers he has to deal with...
 
Future son-in-law is the manager of one of those places. Some of the brainless ******* of customers he has to deal with...
Well, he won’t be dealing with me! :smile:
 
While working (?) for the British Army in Germany we had a few team building efforts which varied between very good and so so. Very good was the clay shooting, I managed to hit the sky on numerous occasions but not all the time because sometimes a clay got in the way. 10 bowling was quite good, watching the Civ Sec (big boss) bowl was a hoot, his approach was the elephant in a china shop variety, the ball went down the lane at warp factor 8, but he didn't clear any more pins than the wafer thin woman who bowled at slug speed. The there was Boerengolf, (farmers golf) played somewhere in the Netherlands and involved golf with a football in fields half full of cows. I have a lasting memory of being chased off the field by an angry cow. Great day.
 
We have a “Senior Team” get together every quarter.

We get bored to death with power point slides for a few hours in the morning then every afternoon there is some crap event, organised by someone who is picked entirely at random by the boss, usually someone who put in no effort on the last meet.

Anyway, the last enforced fun event was pizza making at some faus-Italian in Milton Keynes. All was going well until the CFO was getting ideas a bit above his station/skill and thought it would be a good idea to try spinning the dough above his head. Oh how we laughed when he ended up covered in pizza dough, what a twat!

MB
 
Working at ICI, we got a new section leader (30 people sized section across two sites) due to the previous manager being off long term ill. The section I worked for contained a variety of people who made Magnus Pyke look like sober boring civil servant.

She (for it was a female) decided that the section needed a team building weekend in the lake district. In late November. Activities to include bridge building and various "team building" tasks at some outward bound centre. In the evening it was compulsory group discussion sessions on "business iimprovement and efficiency".

By an oversight, I was not invited. Needless to say I went into stealth observer mode and did not crack on. (I wasn't a company SME for nothing).

The following week a received a profuse apology for not being invited from section manager which I politely dismissed with "these things happen".

The man I shared an office with called me 8 kinds of b'stard for managing to skip what had been a wet, windy and cold weekend kipping on bunks sharing a room with 10 other people. The best bit was evidently the group discussions which were tedious and you weren't allowed to get drunk either.

Winner!

Edited to add that our small company team building this year is a Crazy Golf tournament at New Brighton (we have two keen golfists in the team).
 

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