Targets will MLAARR when hit

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Cuddles, Jan 30, 2006.

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  1. I was sat chowing down on my Big Mac this lunchtime, reading "The Other Side of the Hill" and minding my own. Suddenly there on the other side of the window is a small mlarring mong-girl in pink anorak, with pink balloon on a stick which she is banging on the window. She smiled at me in an intimate, nay confidential way, which lead me to wonder..."If we, Arrsers that is, can tell mongs from the general population then can mlaarring mongs tell us from the general population too?"

    Her carer/handler/some rotten paedo then came up and led the mong-ette away. He paused as he took her by the hand and looked me in the eye, shrugged apologetically as if to say "Well, what can you do? Eh?"...I thought to myself, yes they can tell the Arrsers even when not wearing the tie or THE socks!
  2. Watch it Cuddles ...... if we ever become a prohibited organisation/membership the Blair goverment will use them like hound dogs to hunt us all down ........

  3. It could have been just a coincidence. Window lickin' good and all that...
  4. Hmmm, maybe that was why they had MCDonalds staked out with crack hunting mongs? Quick, to my undersea evil base in the micro-copter!
  5. There are various tactics for arrsers to adopt when the dreaded cry of "Release the mongs!" is heard. Walking backwards through a river deceives them as to your direction, as well as hiding your scent. Scattering balloons behind you is likewise effective as they will stop to pick them up. Perhaps the best, and also the most fun, is to hit the leader a number of times in the face with a claw hammer as when the rest see that the alpha-mong is down, a leadership struggle will take place involving biting, kicking and sh1t throwing (be sure to stand well back). These and other strategies are available in "Mong Apocalypse- Escape and Evasion" from BELM Publications, LTD.
  6. I laughed so much im sending you a drycleaning bill for my trousers.

    Packing my bags right at this moment, for a one way ticket to hell, anyone wanting to share seats on the bus is more than welcome...
  7. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Cuddles - you are starting to worry me! Did the mong recognise a fellow 'cos you were munching a BSE burger? :cry:

    Regain your life - return to egg banjos. 8)
  8. Let us not forget the ultimate in diversionary tactics: the use of the Ice Cream Van! This vehicle, with jingle a-playing, is to the Mongs as the Pied Piper was to the Rats!
  9. Auld yin - I had no choice, I was out of my normal AO, suffering from the consequences of a 48 hour long Burns supper and ravenously hungry. Sadly McDonalds was all that the world offered me. However I fear that my own mental health will not have been helped by eating a gummer-burger!

    As for the top tips on E&E from the mong-pack, I too will be billing FilthyPhil for soiling my underwear. Interestingly I actually managed to avoid swamping the marital bed last night; I could be on the way back to full alcoholic continence...early days though and I was quite abstemious with my whisky consumption - only two and a half bottles and one of them was bourbon (just for a change)...

    The other thing with mongs by the way is they can scent your fear...
  10. We always suspected that Peter Hain was a Mong, of course, but here he is in an unguarded moment:


    "Cry 'mlllaaarrr' and let slip the Mongs of War"
  11. whilst on leave one attacked me with its curdling death song of "MLARRRRRRRRR *SCREAM* MLAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR" i was in the shop at the time and in everyone elses opinion i had upset it somehow. and my crime was on par as if i had just kicked one of those dogs for the blind to death.

    all i had done was eat my cadburys dairy milk and it wanted some. cue some stategic pointing of some shiny things a waving of a zippo flame and i was gone stage right.

    lived to post on arrse another day

    do i recieve some sort of medal?
  12. Mong Service & Good Conduct?
  13. Don't worry when the day comes we shall all group together seizeing the high ground armed to the teath we shall defend ourselves and then march to London and overthrough the government!
  14. D.S.O (Downes Syndrome Order) and Millaaaarrr 8O
  15. Bronze Star...Mongenese bronze naturally or perhaps the Mlaar-ritary Cross