Talking Dog For Sale

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Gunner_smudge, Sep 13, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. A guy saw a for sale advert in his local newspaper 'Talking Dog'. He was so curious he phoned the number and arranged to go and look at the animal later that day .
    When he rang the bell at the address he had been given, a man came to the door and told him the dog was out in the back yard.
    The guy went round the back of the house and saw a really nice looking Labrador sitting there.
    "Are you the talking dog?" he said.
    "Yes I am." said the Lab.
    After the guy got over the shock of hearing the dog speak, he said "So what's your story then?"
    "Well, I was born at an MOD security centre kennels, and both my parents were serving with the armed forces.
    When I was about a year old it was discovered that I could talk, I was then sent for special training with the SAS. In no time I was jetting about all over the world, sitting in rooms with politicians and world leaders.........Nobody thought that a dog would be eavesdropping.
    I was a really good spy, one of the best, but after seven or eight years, all the travelling took its toll on me, I wasn't getting any younger.
    I retired from the SAS and settled down to some airport security work at Heathrow, I uncovered a load of smugglers over the time I was there and they awarded me several awards for my work.
    I got hooked up with a bitch, we had over a dozen puppies together. Our offspring are all around the UK, they are all getting on with their own lives and having youngsters themselves.
    The guy was amazed at what he'd heard, he went back and knocked on the door of the house. When the owner came out, he asked him how much he wanted for the dog.
    "Ten quid." said the man.
    "TEN QUID" said the guy "After the story he told me !!!. Why are you selling him so cheaply?"
    "Because he's a fu**ing liar, and all that crap he comes out with is bullshit.............He was in the fu**ing R.A.F.