Talk-back CCTV

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by Biped, Apr 4, 2007.

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  1. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    The gummint is rolling out talking CCTV systems across the country to stop people from doing naughty things.

    Imagine you are walking around minding your own business, when suddenly a voice can be heard overhead saying "You, yes you, with the sawn-off shotgun and the bag of swag. Please stay where you are and await the forces of law and disorder to attend to you. You will shortly be removed to a centre for re-educashiun and released tomorrow".
  2. I was at a railway station a while back, and two of my mates nipped over the fence to answer the call of nature, only to be told by a CCTV camera that they were being watched, and to please stop relieving themselves!
  3. Am I the only one who thinks they should get ex RSMs to make the anouncements?
  4. At least this way, we can get a running commentary of the revolution.

    Hey, if we can infiltrate a few bods into the control rooms, that'll be useful. Picture the scene, we're standing around Downing St with the flaming torches and pitchforks wondering what to do next and a voice booms out, "He's nipped across the garden wall and is legging it across Horse Guards."
  5. They should mount a couple of GPMGs under the cameras as well.

    Oh alright how about one GPMG and a taser for the girlies.
  6. Saw the same at a railway station, 2 chavs riding their bikes on the platform.
    Went like this
    CCTV: Hey you 2!!!!
    Chavs: look round in confusion
    CCTV: YES you 2, get your bikes off the platform.
    Chavs: Speechless, How could they argue with a camera.
    CCTV:get yourself home its way past bedtime.

    About 20 passengers roaring in laughter at the chavs. I think the youth of today call it "owned".
  7. Had this on a cctv system at one of my offices in Milton Keynes a long while ago. Was really effective and the newness never seemed to wear off after time. I tried one in the car park where they could talk back so that staff could alert security if they saw something outside cctv coverage. That worked well as well.
  8. I think it is an attempt by the govt to plant subliminal messages in our minds. It could be particularly effective on you if you were plastered. Imagine- a bloke stumbles out of the Lamb and Flag only to be told all the way home 'Vote for Tony. Only Tony can run the country properly'. There would be no escape.
  9. Used to use the tannoy in the 24hour Tescos in the small hours to similar effect. 03:00hrs and in walks a Pi**head, shoves bottle of spirits into his kecks, only to get the shock of his life when "GOD" speaks to them, tells them to put it back and repent. All the night staff were briefed to ignore these "voices" if they were anywhere near the person concerned. We had a guard calle Dave who could impersonate James Earl Jones and he was used to good effect.
  10. Orwell couldn't have imagined it.

    Or if he did, he edited it out of 1984 on grounds of being too far-fetched.

    Only a matter of time before every new-born babe has a chip implanted in its neck, enabling its every later movement to be traced electronically by HMG - and for HMG to pass messages directly into the brainstem.

    The technology exists, so it will be used . . . . sometime . . . . .
  11. Caubeen. Does That tinfoil hat make you sweat?
  12. Not enough metallic deposits at my current bleak location to make even a very small metallic-y thingy, let alone a whole hat.

    May I borrow yours till Wednesday week?
  13. I agree with caubeen!

    Each one of these new labour measures, take us step by step, further towards a big-brother state. What next? Surveillance in every house?
  14. Very probably. Cellphones already tell HMG where we are. It's but a small step to chipping the whole populace. And because it can be done, someone'll already have recommended doing it. Recruiting midwives as chippers is the obvious starting-point.

    Small wonder I'm retiring eventually to Namibia. At least the mineral deposits there will send tracking signals crazy, rather like the dodgy chalk deposits around Sigs. at Blandford - only f-a-r bigger.
  15. Hey, if you've nothing to hide, you've nothing to fear.

    Of course, this doesn't apply to Ministers of the Crown who only ever conceal their doings in the best interests of the nation...