Tales of an embittered tradesman

We all know that customers are annoying twats and now and again you manage to stick it to the sods and walk away feeling smug. This thread shall be a place to share our tales of dealing with pain in the arse customers, until two or three people show up and start arguing like old women again but that is arrse.

Make sure you don't give too much information away as there will always be some mong of a single mother watching Jeremy Kyle and looking for things to be outraged over. I shall begin.

Several years ago I picked up a damage job at a remote house out in the sticks, the notes said a wire had come down, it was mid winter and getting on in the day so by the time I had arrived to the damage location it was pitch black and I had to use the van headlights to see. The cable had come down across a long track leading to the house it fed and whoever reported it had weighed it down across the track with some stones to stop it blowing.

I give the bloke a call on his landline(the line had snapped off the pole but was intact and still working) and he immediately starts getting arsey with me and saying the wire needs to be put back up straight away. I explain to him that we cannot climb poles(fnarr fnarr) in the dark and that I would be unable to reattach it this evening. Apparently this was not good enough and he was going to report me to head office or the queen or some other nonsense. After all this I politely chime in and point out that of course because the wire is going across a public right of way it is a safety hazard and I will be required to make it safe by cutting the cable and strapping it to the pole so nobody can trip on it, please contact your service provider to arrange a repair and good night. I snip the phone line, chuck it over the wall into a field and zoom off down the road.
 
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BT Engineers I shit them.....

Had a good argument with one about 30 years ago when I had a mate put an iffy extension in the bedroom.
Course the main phone played up and enginer had to be called. He was insistant there was an (unauthorised) extentionwhich of course we denied.

Must have been wired differently in the socket...
 
Northern Ireland 97/98, we were clearing a car in a quiet Protestant area. The car was in a side street next to a school that led to the school car park. Cordon and evacuation had taken place and we were well into the task (car clearances can take hours).

Dave the operator was on one if his manuals when the head teacher came storming into the ICP, a typical apoplectic Irishmen he demanded that we allow his staff get to their cars from the car park, I told him he would have to wait until the boss returned from his manual, he started heading out the ICP towards the car and boss, the escort stopped him, pointing his rifle at his chest infuriating teach even more (if that's possible), at which point he screamed those immortal words

"I pay your wages"

The RUC arrested him and took him to the edge of the cordon where he was de-arrested.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
I was reading a thread where a double glazing bloke was asked for a quote and a copy of the survey. The client wouldn't pay for the survey so when the client rang up 3 weeks later to complain that his windows were 100 mm too wide (despite not having ordered them from the original surveyor) the Glazing surveyor told him he should have paid!
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
BT Engineers I shit them.....

Had a good argument with one about 30 years ago when I had a mate put an iffy extension in the bedroom.
Course the main phone played up and enginer had to be called. He was insistant there was an (unauthorised) extentionwhich of course we denied.

Must have been wired differently in the socket...
I moved home in the 80s. Bought the house from a BT engineer. Decided to return the rented phone to BT and buy my own handset. Went into their shop. After some, "What will you do if you have a fault and it's in the non-rented handset? We'll blame it and may not fix your problem."

"I'll take that risk."

"Your call. What's your address?" I gave it. They looked up my details. "You haven't got a master socket!" I waved the plug on the recently removed phone. "We'll have to send out a BT engineer to verify your installation. It'll cost you £25."

I pointed out that the master socket was presumably fitted by their engineer, I gave them his name and the address to which I delivered any of his mail, since he now lived in a village on my route to work. I pointed out that they could come and inspect my master socket if they wanted, but they could bill their own engineer who'd done the work.

They didn't inspect and they didn't bill me.
 
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[QUOTE="dingerr, post: 8104340, member: 8760"

"I pay your wages"

[/QUOTE]

Had that a few times. As a Special the response was "No you don't I do this for free" now I usually reply "and I pay your benefits" or just a "Yeah? Cheers, easy". Other responses are available depending on whether the Body Worn Video is on or not ;)
 
If I can sum up this thread so far, "BT are a bunch of cunts".
 
If I can sum up this thread so far, "BT are a bunch of *****".
Plenty of threads for that, this one is for tales of getting one over on whinging cunts of customers.
 
Plenty of threads for that, this one is for tales of getting one over on whinging ***** of customers.
Yes but this is a thread for BT employees to prove they are cunts by doing so.
 
Yes but this is a thread for BT employees to prove they are ***** by doing so.
For all tradesmen, but feel free to point out anything I did that was wrong!
 

Joshua Slocum

LE
Book Reviewer
I had a client that we shall call the fat lady, for she was off immense proportions ( now Brown bread)
we redecorated her place, and installed a new dado rail, her place was a sectional building and had not been set up properly onto concrete pads, so it had dropped a little,, or her weight did it
this job was a pain in the arse
one wall kept moving as her husband had stripped away a section of panel that held it together, we fixed it for free plus a fair few other jobs, we just about broke even
last day on the job, and as we arrive she is standing in that angry position arms across her chest, with two friends in the room looking on, and then very kindly told me that I had installed the Dado rail incorrectly ??

now being human I can and do make mistakes
so I asked what the problem was,
It was all papered and painted nicely and finished.

you have not put it up level ?*********
how so ?

my son measured it to the floor and its different heights !!!

her son was equally fat and would have driven his car through the door to save walking
at first I was going to say F*** and walk away after two hard weeks of work and working around her and her fat husband
I then twigged what the problem wasnt
where the two buildings are joined is a small nib wall top to bottom, so the Dado rail needs to be mitred around this but the floor fell away by about three quarters of an inch at either end, so we used a laser, put a level line through the building end to end, of course the drop to the floor would vary, but if you measured from the floor then the Dado rail would not meet in the corners !!!!
I very calmly explained that the floor was out of true
no she said my son checked it with your spirit level !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
which one?
that one she points to a 6 inch bubble level ( fekin twat)

so I got my 6 foot level, laid it upon the floor and showed her how far out it was
deep joy
then I explained that had I have used a ruler, then at one or more points the Dado would be out of adjustment by around an inch, however if she wanted I could remove it, re fit it and re paper the walls
she thought about it for a while and then backed down a bit but didnt apologise

we cleared up, but, the site owner had changed the off peak electricity times and the time clock needed to be adjusted, a bastard of a job as it was up inside a tiny cupboard
I was going to set it for free, but though better off it
we finished the job and I got my cheque, as we were about to leave, she asked about the time clock
I said very calmly , ask your Son, I would only do it wrong
months later she rang me back to complain about a massive electricity bill and could I call in go and reset the meter when I was passing ( ie free)
oddly I never found the time
 

Ciggie

GCM
My first job, a salesman for Currys ( when it WAS Currys and not Dixons)....I knew my stuff pretty well on all appliances and gadgets although my speciality was hi-fi...one day this right-on hippy couple came in, bearded know-it-all cunt of a husband, looking for a washing machine. I immediately recommended a reasonably priced Hotpoint which was about the best thing going...oh no, they had to look at every single fucking model in the shop, asking questions which sometimes had me going to ring the manufacturer to get answers...about 2 hours of dicking around before they chose...yep, the Hotpoint. Revenge was not long coming...a couple of weeks later the secretary called me over and said, call for you, those fucking hippies. It was the wife, apparently the door had jammed shut on the washer...oh dear, unfortunately the Hotpoint engineer only comes this way once a week...but,but there's washing in there...sorry, can't be done sooner...but,but it's our neighbours washing...OK, I'll see what I can do...filled out the chit, passed it to the secretary saying, Sharon, put this on a shelf for a week and then stick it in the Hotpoint man's pigeonhole ....how we laughed !!!!!
 

wheel

LE
I had a client that we shall call the fat lady, for she was off immense proportions ( now Brown bread)
we redecorated her place, and installed a new dado rail, her place was a sectional building and had not been set up properly onto concrete pads, so it had dropped a little,, or her weight did it
this job was a pain in the arse
one wall kept moving as her husband had stripped away a section of panel that held it together, we fixed it for free plus a fair few other jobs, we just about broke even
last day on the job, and as we arrive she is standing in that angry position arms across her chest, with two friends in the room looking on, and then very kindly told me that I had installed the Dado rail incorrectly ??

now being human I can and do make mistakes
so I asked what the problem was,
It was all papered and painted nicely and finished.

you have not put it up level ?*********
how so ?

my son measured it to the floor and its different heights !!!

her son was equally fat and would have driven his car through the door to save walking
at first I was going to say F*** and walk away after two hard weeks of work and working around her and her fat husband
I then twigged what the problem wasnt
where the two buildings are joined is a small nib wall top to bottom, so the Dado rail needs to be mitred around this but the floor fell away by about three quarters of an inch at either end, so we used a laser, put a level line through the building end to end, of course the drop to the floor would vary, but if you measured from the floor then the Dado rail would not meet in the corners !!!!
I very calmly explained that the floor was out of true
no she said my son checked it with your spirit level !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
which one?
that one she points to a 6 inch bubble level ( fekin twat)

so I got my 6 foot level, laid it upon the floor and showed her how far out it was
deep joy
then I explained that had I have used a ruler, then at one or more points the Dado would be out of adjustment by around an inch, however if she wanted I could remove it, re fit it and re paper the walls
she thought about it for a while and then backed down a bit but didnt apologise

we cleared up, but, the site owner had changed the off peak electricity times and the time clock needed to be adjusted, a bastard of a job as it was up inside a tiny cupboard
I was going to set it for free, but though better off it
we finished the job and I got my cheque, as we were about to leave, she asked about the time clock
I said very calmly , ask your Son, I would only do it wrong
months later she rang me back to complain about a massive electricity bill and could I call in go and reset the meter when I was passing ( ie free)
oddly I never found the time
I knew you would not let me down :clap::clap:
 
a sectional building and had not been set up properly onto concrete pads, so it had dropped a little,, or her weight did it

no she said my son checked it with your spirit level !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
which one?
that one she points to a 6 inch bubble level ( fekin twat)

so I got my 6 foot level, laid it upon the floor and showed her how far out it was
Local boozer hire a pool table.
After a few months, they decide it is taking up too much room downstairs, so put it upstairs.
Old building, apparently hell of a job and lost of sweat to shift the thing up the stairs.
Next thing, pool table company get a phone call - the table keeps going out of true.
Bloke arrives to find the thing has been set up on the old wooden flooring.
He explains: Of course it'll go out of true, because every time people walk on the floorboards - especially twenty-handed - the whole floor is going to 'give' a bit.
Apparently taking a pool table down the stairs is a much harder job that taking one up.
 
I knew of a guy who installed tail lifts to trucks. He had a bit of a problem with racing teams, who needed large lifts to get the racing cars up and down, normally into a very run down 7.5 tonner.

The problem with these teams was the rubber cheques they paid with. After being stung a few times, he always got a verbal agreement, confirming he would be paid in cash. Many times, the team staff would suddenly know nothing of this arrangement, offering a cheque.

He would take the cheque, and drive off, leaving the lift on the ground, and the control box in the boot of his car! When he had cleared funds, he would hand over the controls.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Pro
 
I had a client that we shall call the fat lady, for she was off immense proportions ( now Brown bread)
we redecorated her place, and installed a new dado rail, her place was a sectional building and had not been set up properly onto concrete pads, so it had dropped a little,, or her weight did it
this job was a pain in the arse
one wall kept moving as her husband had stripped away a section of panel that held it together, we fixed it for free plus a fair few other jobs, we just about broke even
last day on the job, and as we arrive she is standing in that angry position arms across her chest, with two friends in the room looking on, and then very kindly told me that I had installed the Dado rail incorrectly ??

now being human I can and do make mistakes
so I asked what the problem was,
It was all papered and painted nicely and finished.

you have not put it up level ?*********
how so ?

my son measured it to the floor and its different heights !!!

her son was equally fat and would have driven his car through the door to save walking
at first I was going to say F*** and walk away after two hard weeks of work and working around her and her fat husband
I then twigged what the problem wasnt
where the two buildings are joined is a small nib wall top to bottom, so the Dado rail needs to be mitred around this but the floor fell away by about three quarters of an inch at either end, so we used a laser, put a level line through the building end to end, of course the drop to the floor would vary, but if you measured from the floor then the Dado rail would not meet in the corners !!!!
I very calmly explained that the floor was out of true
no she said my son checked it with your spirit level !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
which one?
that one she points to a 6 inch bubble level ( fekin twat)

so I got my 6 foot level, laid it upon the floor and showed her how far out it was
deep joy
then I explained that had I have used a ruler, then at one or more points the Dado would be out of adjustment by around an inch, however if she wanted I could remove it, re fit it and re paper the walls
she thought about it for a while and then backed down a bit but didnt apologise

we cleared up, but, the site owner had changed the off peak electricity times and the time clock needed to be adjusted, a bastard of a job as it was up inside a tiny cupboard
I was going to set it for free, but though better off it
we finished the job and I got my cheque, as we were about to leave, she asked about the time clock
I said very calmly , ask your Son, I would only do it wrong
months later she rang me back to complain about a massive electricity bill and could I call in go and reset the meter when I was passing ( ie free)
oddly I never found the time
I had a repair task that involved removing an ancient block wiring point in a house with a new one. The block was on a balcony at the top of some stairs inside, I had my ladders up and was fitting the little box when the blokes wife walks in then looks up and complains to her husband that it does not look level. I told her it was definitely level and pointed out I was using a bubble level. She keeps on saying how it is not level, I invited her husband to climb the ladders and look himself, he went up and told his wife it was indeed level. As I was tidying up and clearing off she was still screeching at him over how it was not level and I walked out laughing and feeling sorry for the poor bastard for marrying a nutter.
 

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