thought I'd post this little bit her instead of the NAAFI where in probability it would be binned to the hole or 'critiqued' too severely.. Anyway, I'm out at the local fine dining establishment.. Sit down decor to the left, bouncy night club to the right, and a bar/gathering place/holding are in the middle. So two pals and I are holding by the rail sipping a cold beverage and waiting for our table to be called.. Place is crowded but not packed.. when in ..well, waddles, a she/it 5x5x5 in sh!t brown velvet/velour track suit something... hard to tell as the person was so shapeless... " She " makes a beeline for the bar, right where we're gathered and without so much as an " excuse me " pushes between my buddy and me while we're engaged in some serious debate and bellies up to the bar, despite there already being folks on the ' wait list' ahead of her. Then I notice it. Across the rump of the suit in silver glitter capital letters, the word " GUESS" So I lean over to her as I plunk down my drink so it won't get tipped/spilt and say to her " You're a Man in disguise " She turns to me and says " What?" " You're a man in disguise, right?" " What are you talking about? " " Well, your butt says ' guess' so I'm guessing. " You know how when you say something sometimes in the din of a party or gathering there comes a moment when for no apparent reason the room just goes silent? Well, there we were, facing off on the subject when silence reigns. She: " Are you crazy? " Me: " Well, I just figured you had to be a man in drag because no self-respecting woman would ever let her ass get that big. " Much shrieking on her part, laughter from the patrons closest to the rail and, rather than lashing out at me as I expected she turns to a guy behind her and says " Are you going to do something about that? " I swing about and there is this equally huge guy, not fat, but wrestler muscled up and I'm thinking I'm going to need new set of teeth come morning. He's wearing a checkered shirt with the sleeves rolled up, the requisite ballcap with some trucking logo on it and on one bicep the size of my thigh is a multi-coloured tat. I give him my best smile and say " Nice ink, Royal Horse Artillery? ". He stops. " always liked the big guns, buy you a drink? " I grin. She's turning maroon waiting for her knight to avenge her honour. " Did you hear what he said? Are you going to take that ? " he looked at her, then me and, I could see him weighing the alternatives. " Yeah, I heard, he offered me a drink.. I'll have a Guinness. " " What about me? " she screams.. by now there's a lot of interest in the outcome. " You can have a Diet Coke, your ass IS too big. " Never heard such loud and prolonged laughter emanating from one place in a long time. Don't think they stayed for the menu, she left to ' wait in the car' while, he, man of his word, had a Guinness.. sometimes you get lucky and dodge the bullet.