Tale of a fat boy

#1
Well after a hectic month of over indulgence on food and drink, last Sunday I hauled myself up onto the scales to see what the damage was.

Peering down at the figures I realised why I was beginning to think GF was shortening my belts - 14 stone 5!!!!! As my eyes travelled back up over my spare tire and through my growing cleavage, realisation struck that I perhaps had porked out a little and drastic action was needed.

So Monday I stopped having my usual couple of beers in the evening, increased my intake of water and cut the bread out of my diet - resolving that the gym must be visited soon (still not got there).

This morning I decided (after two complete days on diet) to clamber on the scales again. To my surprise I was now 14 stone 2!!! Delighted at my progress I mentioned this to the GF.

My announcement was greeted with an icy stare. "You make me sick" and that was it....

Now correct me if I am wrong but don't women usually hand out congratulations on weight loss like confetti at a wedding!!!

Later she rang me on the way to work "you need to get down the gym" she ordered.

I responded cheerily "Are you sure, because doctors say it is unhealthy to loose weight too quickly! Anyway, at this rate it will only take a couple of weeks and I will be down at my target weight".

"You Bar Steward" she replied.

I don't think I will ever understand women.......
 
#2
Tell her to shut up and stick a cucumber in her gob! Well done!
 
#3
Bloody wimmin
Jealous thats all she is.
Mines the same. Just because I can eat whatever and not worry.
Whenever I mention this, i too am regarded as an insensitive fatherless.

I give up.

Well done on the weight loss by the way :)
 
#4
Thanks chaps. To be fair to GF - her parents were from Glasgow and moved to Souff Effrica - where she was bought up. So genetically and culturally her responses are to be expected :wink:
 
#5
dpcw said:
Well after a hectic month of over indulgence on food and drink, last Sunday I hauled myself up onto the scales to see what the damage was.

Peering down at the figures I realised why I was beginning to think GF was shortening my belts - 14 stone 5!!!!! As my eyes travelled back up over my spare tire and through my growing cleavage, realisation struck that I perhaps had porked out a little and drastic action was needed.

So Monday I stopped having my usual couple of beers in the evening, increased my intake of water and cut the bread out of my diet - resolving that the gym must be visited soon (still not got there).

This morning I decided (after two complete days on diet) to clamber on the scales again. To my surprise I was now 14 stone 2!!! Delighted at my progress I mentioned this to the GF.

My announcement was greeted with an icy stare. "You make me sick" and that was it....

Now correct me if I am wrong but don't women usually hand out congratulations on weight loss like confetti at a wedding!!!

Later she rang me on the way to work "you need to get down the gym" she ordered.

I responded cheerily "Are you sure, because doctors say it is unhealthy to loose weight too quickly! Anyway, at this rate it will only take a couple of weeks and I will be down at my target weight".

"You Bar Steward" she replied.

I don't think I will ever understand women.......
I'm guessing its a jealousy thing, if I could lose weight that easily I'd be well happy. But then I guess if I got myself down the gym my weight would change a lot quicker too :roll:
 
#6
You'll probably find it was just down to your hydration level fatty. You should weigh once a week at the same time of day to get more of an accurate weight.
 
#8
Bossdog said:
You'll probably find it was just down to your hydration level fatty. You should weigh once a week at the same time of day to get more of an accurate weight.
I am officially overweight - BMI of 25.5, but am hoping it not hydration and will do the once a week at the same time weighing in thing.
 
#9
wessex_warrior said:
She's probably just hormonal. Just say "darling, I think you're a little pre-menstrual; maybe you should be a little nicer." Her attitude will straighten right out.
I think she is worried I will end up weighing less than her :twisted:
 
#10
dpcw said:
Later she rang me on the way to work "you need to get down the gym" she ordered.
Whoa! There is something wrong in the jungle there fella.

Wimmin 'ordering', 'ordering' a.... a.... man! UNBEEEELEEEVABLE behaviour.

What is this country coming to?

You'll be saying something like 'she doesn't have your dinner ready on the table on the dot of 1705hrs'...

OK... maybe that's taking it too far. But I hope you get my point...
 
#12
BoomShackerLacker said:
dpcw said:
Later she rang me on the way to work "you need to get down the gym" she ordered.
Whoa! There is something wrong in the jungle there fella.

Wimmin 'ordering', 'ordering' a.... a.... man! UNBEEEELEEEVABLE behaviour.

What is this country coming to?

You'll be saying something like 'she doesn't have your dinner ready on the table on the dot of 1705hrs'...

OK... maybe that's taking it too far. But I hope you get my point...
Don't go out with Souff Effrican women :?
 
#13
#14
Why is it that birds are allowed to bang on and on and on, about how their bum is fat, or their kit doesn't fit them, or they went for a pack lift and can't have babies anymore.



I mean jesus, what's wrong with them, one mere mention of 'I think i need to lose a little weight' and off they strop.



Can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em.



Breath Bierwolfe, breath...
 
#15
dpcw said:
BoomShackerLacker said:
dpcw said:
Later she rang me on the way to work "you need to get down the gym" she ordered.
Whoa! There is something wrong in the jungle there fella.

Wimmin 'ordering', 'ordering' a.... a.... man! UNBEEEELEEEVABLE behaviour.

What is this country coming to?

You'll be saying something like 'she doesn't have your dinner ready on the table on the dot of 1705hrs'...

OK... maybe that's taking it too far. But I hope you get my point...
Don't go out with Souff Effrican women :?
Afrikaaaaaaaaaner?
 
#16
Bierwolfe said:
Why is it that birds are allowed to bang on and on and on, about how their bum is fat, or their kit doesn't fit them, or they went for a pack lift and can't have babies anymore.



I mean jesus, what's wrong with them, one mere mention of 'I think i need to lose a little weight' and off they strop.



Can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em.



Breath Bierwolfe, breath...
:lol: :twisted:
 
#17
[/quote] Afrikaaaaaaaaaner?[/quote]

Shudder :wink:
 
#19
Ahh - The Good Wife's Guide - had that read out by my best man when I was sentenced. Howls of laughter from my mates at the 'drunk & segregated' tables. Forced grimace from MIL. Whispered 'you'll be fecking lucky' from bride. Glad I married a laydee...

Another quote: wife standing in front of mirror. "I'm overweight, unattractive and my hair's a mess (sob) Say something complimentary about me (sniffle)"

"At least your fecking eyesight's spot on"


Original or something like it from Legless. B3TA.com
 
#20
Civvy_Shot said:
Ahh - The Good Wife's Guide - had that read out by my best man when I was sentenced. Howls of laughter from my mates at the 'drunk & segregated' tables. Forced grimace from MIL. Whispered 'you'll be fecking lucky' from bride. Glad I married a laydee...

Another quote: wife standing in front of mirror. "I'm overweight, unattractive and my hair's a mess (sob) Say something complimentary about me (sniffle)"

"At least your fecking eyesight's spot on"


Original or something like it from Legless. B3TA.com
Glad I wasn't drinking when I read that, think my computer would have drowned :wink:
 

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