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Takeaway

#1
A meths drinker staggers into a chippie, pushing to the front of the queue. The owner tells him to clear off, but the tramp refuses to leave unless he's given a little wooden fork. They give him one and he staggers out. Five minutes later, in comes another wino and he's also told to get out. This one won't leave unless he's given a drinking straw.
The owner says. "Why the bloody hell d'you need a straw?"
The wino tells him. "Somebody was sick outside, but all the lumpy bits have been had."
 

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