TA mobilisations and marital breakdowns..a link?

Discussion in 'Army Reserve' started by fusilier50, Jan 19, 2006.

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  1. i am going to be mobilised again to go to iraq and my missus has decided she has had enough. she is calling it a day between us. she isnt willing to go through yet another tour worrying that the worst could happen every day i am out there. she has thought it through over the past year and has reached breaking point.

    i was wondering if this is a common occurrence with serving TA soldiers. what with mobilisations becoming more frequent are we catching up with our regular counterparts in marital breakdown?

    i havent been looking forward to the tour up to now but i have to admit i cant wait now so i can bury my head in work
  2. Hang on, I thought compulsary mobilisation was now set at 5-year intervals.
  3. not yet it isnt. the current rules are for no more than 12months service in any 36month period. i am eligible as from the 7th of January

    and anyway whats this got to do with my question?
  4. I suppose units may differ. I had a letter saying that the 3 year period had been extended to 5 years, volunteers would be called on in the first instance and something about not returning to the same theatre except in very extenuating circumstances.

    Must admit, as it didn't seem to be increasing the commitment, it got glanced at and filed away.
  5. I'm tempted to say " Family - Job - Army"

    But you have no doubt heard that before !!!!
  6. she says that telic 2 changed me and that i'm not the guy she was in love with. i dont think the blame lies just with the tours. :?

    its gonna make it that much harder though when im out there
  7. Are you married? Do you have kids?

    Ask yourself... do you really want to stay with her?

    If you do..... then don't go.....

    If you still want to go.... then stag on!
  8. if the marriage / relationship breaks down, i dont think its because of the tours, but because theres an underlaying unresolved problem in that relationship to begin with. My man was on optelic 1, and all i could think about was him comin home safe, sound and in 1 piece, if anything it actually strengthened us. I have always been very supportive of his career, as he is of mine, i think for the relationship to break up on the basis of tours, is using the tour as an excuse to get out. The last time my man went away, i was diagnosed with cancer, he could have stayed at home on that basis, but i encouraged him to go, and just kept him upto date with my progress. Yes, its hard when your mans not there, but they say love conquers all. ( we have 2 children as well)
    If you dont go, and your relationship breaks up, then you may regret staying at home, i suggest trying to resolve any underlaying problems and issues before you commit yourself 1 way or the other
  9. As i regular soldier i can understand what you are experiencing. I did a Falklands, 6 month later Afghanistan, 1 month later (after POTL!) Bosnia...to say my missus was pissed off was understatement. But like other people have said i have a feeling its not just the tours that are affecting your marriage. Im now in a post that doesnt send me away, but even bloody normal duties piss her off but thats life! But i have to admit, best times in the Army (9/10) are on tour so get out there and stag on/sweat buckets/get pissed off and wait for the moaning bluey/email/phone call from her!!
  10. she says i changed when i came back last time.i dont suppose you could have seen or done the things i had to do without changing in some ways. im not as emotional as i was and hide my feelings most of the time. i also had months of sleep problems and nightmares. over that now but it bothered her a lot at the time. she couldnt handle it again she says. she wont talk about my experiences out there and doesnt want to know. its right i suppose she doesnt have to know and why upset her further

    she says we would have broken up anyway its just that she didnt want me to go away thinking all was ok with us and that we would go back to happy families on my return. she wants me to use the time to get over her.even suggested we stay together until i get back. now that confused me. what would be the point of that.

    we have a 1 year old baby girl and have been together 6 years. i have been mobilised twice before Op Fingal, Op Telic 2 and later this year for Op Telic 8

    i accept it isnt just the tours that have caused our breakup. im just glad i can get away and bury my head in the sand for a few months until i get over it. we live in a small town so seeing her out on the town on a regular basis would be bad enough. we have to remain civil for our baby's sake so i am biting my tongue so i dont burn my bridges

    many thanks to you all for treating this seriously. i appreciate it
  11. I really hope it all works out for you....

    I would be a massive shame if you split as you have a child.... I couldn't imagine not seeing my kids 24/7 BUT it does happen.....

    if you haven't done it before and you want to stay a family then you must sit down with her on her own maybe go away for a night? Then without interuption listen to her and her opinions on the whole thing.....

    Sounds like she has make her mind up and you have decided to live with it by getting away on tour? What you need to find out is why she wants out? I know you said that it's because of last tour, but that could be an easy way out? Try to find out the things she would change then work to put in plans to achieve it?

    It's not easy but give it a go and if you both really want it to work.... it probably will.

    Remember, tours come along all the time....

    Good luck mate
  12. What ever happens, you must do what is best not only for yourself, but your baby aswell.

    Always keep her (baby) in your life, you will reap the rewards every time she smiles and looks you in the eye.