T*t Monday

#1
Ah, Tit Monday. It's not that far off now, that glorious day when,
heading into work on the bus, or driving, or sitting on the
train, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months.
You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild
involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout
the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat.
And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says:
"At last, Tit Monday!" And you instantly understand why you are so
happy. For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the
first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes
girls getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin.
After months of dull colours and chunky knit, the world's birds suddenly
dive into last summer's wardrobe (they've not had chance to buy this
season's stuff) and chuck it on without a thought. Your urban landscape
is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many
dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at
dusk.
Big breasts in white work shirts straining at the buttons. Small breasts
braless in vest tops, the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics.
Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch
your eye before you even notice there is someone wearing them. Breasts
nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the
road...
And you know it is nearly upon us. For previous generations, the arrival
of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo.
For us, it is Tit Monday.

Not that it always falls on a Monday. Like Easter, Tit Monday is a
moveable feast. Last year it fell on a Friday. Friday 29 April, to be
precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above
16C all year. It last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt
to 22C on 24 April.

And then, of course, there is Tit Monday Night. You see, in early
summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit
Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the dollies are not
prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they drag out the summer
clothes but forget to bring a cardie (a mistake they will not make again
until next year), so that when they're all standing outside All Bar One
after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their barely covered
nipples have no protection from the cold. It's like a Bring-and-Buy sale
where everyone has brought hat pegs. It's like a prog-rock gig where,
instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples.

So when will Tit Monday fall this year? Will you be the first to text
your mates with the announcement? Do not shoot your bolt too early.
There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a
couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Monday. But
your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep
your powder dry, don't fire until you see the whites of their bra straps

As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a
summer make.
 
#3
#4
soon to be followed by 'gut tuesday' where all manner of chaps,from the downright ribby to the heffalumpagut decide todays the day the shirt comes off,thereby unwittingly starting a thousand diets as women suddenly go off their food!
 
#5
bigbird67 said:
soon to be followed by 'gut tuesday' where all manner of chaps,from the downright ribby to the heffalumpagut decide todays the day the shirt comes off,thereby unwittingly starting a thousand diets as women suddenly go off their food!
The girls can be as bad as the boys, IMHO!

Not removing the tops, perhaps, but allowing the bulge to hang over the belt....

Litotes
 
#6
Temps getting up to 26 celsius here in LA today. Dropping down to about 8 tonight. Can't fcuking wait.
 
#7
30 degrees + in Costa Rica, and the rainy season's just ended. The Ticas (local girls) just love their skimpy tops and skimpy bottoms too!

I'm a lucky man as my season will last from now until I get home to the UK, then until that sad day at the end of the British summer when all the pretty & scantily clad ladies disappear back into their bunker under Picadilly Circus until 2008...

Cheers

Captain Plume
 
#8
Praetorian said:
Ill have a tenner on March 8th
Ugh...my ex's birthday.
Fat ugly horrible slug that she is !!

I'll punt a fiver on March 19th ( 2nd wifes birthday...younger model)


Maybe this should go in everybodies calender as a seasonal thread?

Snake
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#9
Talking of not very fit birds, bigbird67 do you still live in Royston Vasey aka Scumeaton? If so I have a mission for you!
 
#10
March 24th given global warming and all that. It won't last however, and the next uncovering opportunity will be November. I recommend encouraging women indoors and then they can take off all the clothes you want. Sounds like a plan...
 
#11
ugly said:
Talking of not very fit birds, bigbird67 do you still live in Royston Vasey aka Scumeaton? If so I have a mission for you!
sorry Ug,i no longer hang around those parts tho' i can ,to myeternal shame,occasionally be seen in The Eliot! What is this mystery mssion???
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#12
ugly said:
Talking of not very fit birds, bigbird67 do you still live in Royston Vasey aka Scumeaton? If so I have a mission for you!
How dare you Sir. You are talking about the woman I love. Take it back at once or face my wrath!!!!!
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#14
I'll protect you from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from your door. Blahdeblahdeblah
 
#16
bigbird67 said:
ooh...i'm quite partial to the odd vampire!
Unsurprisingly as from your avatar, which is generally held to be a true and correct likeness, you appear to be undead yourself!

I am a huge fan of Tit Monday but am also a little bit opposed to "crop top and hipster jean Friday" which follows it in hot pursuit. A size ten girl may look absolutely ravishing in such attire but sadly its the miss Piggys who seem to be in the majority. Also, if you're eighteen it is a good look. If you are forty, the wrong side of childbirth and too many lagers and pizzas - well no, I'm sorry it is not your look.
 
#18
No-one could actually see what you looked like last night.

The stench of kipper surrounding you had them blinded before they got to within 100 yards of your location.
 
#19
it was NOT kipper, it was the more upper-class 5 day old haddock,and it had many of them slavering all down their Topman t-shirts
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#20
I heard it was more like Scottish Smoked Salmon and Beluga Caviar!