Sympathy dilemma

I can't believe i'm asking this here.

A very close friends (the most recent ex - Mrs Morty, whom I share a house with) cat has died during the night. She is, understandibly, gutted. It's a bit of a sh!tter seeing her like this, and there's only so many times you can say 'you'll be ok, love' before it starts sounding crap, likewise there's only so many hugs you can give before they start feeling fake.

I realise this is a golden oppurtunity for urine removal, but can anyone think of any remotely sensible ideas for nice little gestures I could perform or say or anything, without it appearing like i'm trying to get back into her knickers? I'm crap at sympathy as is probably apparent.

Cheers chaps.
Offer to cook her dinner, and serve up the cat. Incidently, did the cat look at all like Hitler?
Go out get a bottle of wine and a her favourite chinese.
Talk about random crap and then breach the subject of another pet. Perhaps a small dog. After shes pondered over this and no doubt ranted about how the moggy could never be replaced simply say.
'Its ok you know, you'll be fine. I know 'cats name' was always a big part of your life, but he'll always be a part of you. Especially now after youve ate that 'special' chow mein.'
Cheap removal of cat, chinky owner grateful and woman now mortified and will get over said moggy instantly, turning attention on to you.
to which you can retort 'They do it in other cultures, I was only thinking of whats best for you'
Or stuff it and go down the pub, stop off at RSPCA and get a new small kitten.
one step forward all those people with a pet cat....................not so quick you!!!!


Funny compared to the praetorian vigour of the SS, I always thought Hitler saluted like a pussy.
Buy a bottle of her favorite tipple,say Vodka, & a Indian meal & while eating regale her with the memories of the cat like-
" Ya remember when Tiddles was so scared during bonfire night,he sank his claws into my bollocks? Ahhh,how we laffed"...
Get her pissed for the sympathy shag....
Lob a Ninja throwing star in her face...... bet the cat doesn't get mentioned for ages.
Show her the film "pet cemetery" then mutter incoherently about trying to find an indian burial ground for several weeks while not telling her what you've done with the corpse.
Squirt some of that expanding foam down its throat and up its arse: DIY taxidermy and one new ornament – don't see how she wouldn't be happy with that.
Skin the cat, and then turn up wearing it's pelt over your head with the paws tied together under your chin and it's head resting on your forehead.
Tell her to stop being so coy, there's no need to keep making small talk about the cat, you're both adults, you know she's not made of wood....
bernoulli said:
Skin the cat, and then turn up wearing it's pelt over your head with the paws tied together under your chin and it's head resting on your forehead.


For what it's worth Morty, you sound like a lovely chap. However, I would ease up on the sympathy and just leave her to it. You can't really do much for a lost cat as, being a male and her ex, everything you do will be wrong!!

X Jem :)
Why not have it made into either one of those ever so popular neck wraps of the 1950's or a clutch bag? She could wear it of an evening or to the opera.....

Did you kill the cat by the way?

Beebs x
Slap her round the fcuking head, cats are the devil. She needs to grow the fcuk up. Go on holiday mate.
Rape her in front of your friends, she'll soon forget about the cat.
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