Hello chaps & chapesses, Iâve just been out having a lovely lunch in the park on this scorching summer day in London! Alas, Iâm afraid Iâm one of those fellows who suffers from an unfortunate syndrome, one of those cads who might sit on a plastic chair only to leave a fossilised print of my own creation, a fine line of arrse-crack-sweat for everyone to admire. Naturally having discovered my work of art Iâm usually quite alarmed so Iâve had to devise a cunning plan that involves swerving my buttocks on plastic chairs in order to dissolve the sweat-mark on my trouser leg. However, an even more degrading act has raised its ugly head of late, one that is not so easily resolved. I was sitting down & having lunch & also wearing some beige coloured trousers, the ones that show up the little spots of wee when one doesnât shake properly. The sun was hot, the grass was slightly wet & there was an audience of curious yuppies suspiciously observing my antics. I was determined to enjoy the summer sun, but in doing so I began sweating like a moist piggy. As the humidity increased all the little sweat goblets managed to gather on my arrse cheeks, they slowly joined together to form small tributaries at first & then eventually combined in strength to create a river of arrse sweat & leave a rather dodgy stain down the back of my trousers. I began to notice the seriousness of my situation when I felt the wet spot against my smooth skin, unfortunately my lunch break was almost over so I had to make a break for it in front of all the charming young ladies & assorted office types. I jumped up & marched off sharpish with head held high in defiance of my predicament & hoping that no-one was able to witness the dark line which must have clearly divided my rosy cheeks. Does anyone else have the ignominious misfortune to suffer from such a condition? If so are there any sneaky manoeuvres to conceal it? I once noticed a young lady in St Tropez sporting some quite fantastic boobies on a tight t-shirt. They had a big, damp, patch underneath which spiralled in a circular motion across the top, so that if one looked at a boob directly it almost looked like the nose of a Messerschmitt. I suppose young ladies must have it a little harder at times as their sweat marks can be even more obvious! I remain your most humble servant, &tc. ~D.C.