Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ravers, Sep 5, 2012.

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  1. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    So it appears I may have bitten off a little more than I can chew.

    Last year we acquired a big fuck off old house in the country. It needed a fuck load of work but I thought I'd be able to crack it all eventually.

    I was wrong.

    It appears my building/painting and decorating/plumbing/electricianing skills aren't quite as good as I thought, the place is falling down.

    I'm about halfway done but it's taking over my life and I just can't be arsed anymore. It's a massive job.

    Did I mention the house is really big and really old? Well it is.

    So what I'm looking for is a skills swap.

    I need a decent decorator/plasterer, a good sparky, plumber and gardener to have a crack at a bit of my house and try and make a small dent.

    In return you'll receive absolutely zero money, not a penny.

    What I can offer is the following:

    A bed in a stunning grade II* listed manor house,
    Decent scran,
    As much Homebrew as you can drink,
    Free fishing in a really really nice river full of trout,
    Guitar lessons,

    Apparently, I'm also reasonably good at fixing gats so I'll also offer some top notch gunsmithery if that's your thing.

    Anyone fancy it?

    Post your swapsies here.
  2. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    Look up Suburban bushwacker he's fucked my plumbing plenty but he's a nice chap and good company!

    Sent from my BlackBerry 9780 using Tapatalk
  3. I have a very particular set of skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
    • Like Like x 5
  4. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Do you fancy learning the opening chords to a few Oasis songs?

    If so, you maybe my man.
  5. Give me the drink I'll prescribe you a shit load of drugs so you don't give a fuck.
    • Like Like x 7
  6. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Drugs are one of the few things I'm sorted for.

    A minor lottery win and some shrewd investments during my MDMA days means I shouldn't have to worry about gear for a while.

    Cheers anyway.

    You sorted?
  7. I suspect that will be the best offer (by some considerable margin) Ravers gets on here.
  8. I sussed it. You are Bob Geldof and I claim my £5.
  9. I can mow a lawn in crooked lines, if that's any good to you.
    • Like Like x 1
  10. "Today's illegal Immigrants"

    Still wanted by the government, they survive as state spongers. If you have a problem...if no one else can help...and if you can find them...maybe you can hire...Jovic, Romanov, Vladimir and Jelena

  11. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Do you like beer that looks like muddy piss?

    Call me.
  12. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer


    Just accept it mate, your daughter is marrying a bloke from Kiev.
  13. She's already been warned off,

    besides I've got more multi nationality Civvy workers than You can shake a stick at where I work ;-)
  14. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Good for you.

    The last ethnic that came to where I live in Cumbria was via a slave ship.
  15. I'd be up for general duties; my later appraisals were along the lines of 'works well under close supervision'. But if you need a general dogsbody, and I can clear it with Mrs Chef, I'm up for it. PM details and timings.