swamping a lagged materess

It's only funny if it's not you. God forbid that you should wake up in a pads house in a drunken stuper, then drop your jeans and shag the armchair.
Luckily the pads wifes called me Watneys Party Seven after that episode.


We had a swampy one with us in Bessbrook mill in 86

A couple of daft b@@@@rs told him he could sleep on the top bunk (3 high bunks)

You just know whats coming 'he managed to lag through his own onto the two below.

While in Zetra Stadium we had a collection of laggers so we put them all in one room 'they had lakeside beds on more than one occasion.
A certain swamper named after a well dead Field marshall of Desert Fame.
Had a green water proof mattress and a waterproof sheet to boot.
Anyhow to cut a long story short, the gent in question fell asleep in boozer and stained the seat while the boozer was full of members of his btn.

The map of Africa was hard to miss, as was the look of disgust on his CSM's face


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We upset a serial lagger when we were on Exercise Purple Star(fish), he didn't like the drip tray under his camp bed. Mind you he was even less impressed with the sandbags round his bed that magically appeared later.

He spent several days without lagging during some annoyingly long stormy weather, only for us to find out that he'd been sleep walking and slashing over another lads kit. Second lad had assumed that his kit was wet from the leaky roof and just allowed it to dry before wearing it.
When the ambulance strike was on back in the early 90's a whole load of us booties where sent up to london to collect some very old landrover ambulances for use in Plymouth. Half of them broke down on the way home so we had to stop unexpectedly at an Army camp on the way home, I think it was in Warminster.

It was the night before Crimbo Leave, as no one was expecting us we where put up in the guardroom. Well, the camp was in full party mode so we took the sheets of the beds and joined in the festivities down the naafi in best Togo rig. Needless to say about 6 of us swamped the pit. The little stripy with a funny hat pulled over his eyes had a huge sense of humour failure with us in the morning, even more so when he realised that we and the guard found it all highly amusing.

All that happened was we marched over to the QM's and coughed up about £20 each for damaging the mattress's.
Bit of a cheek really as they where already well stained by previous users.
I did a stint in the bedding store at Bovvy, the amount of money i made off Course blokes over a weekend or night wanting new mattresses, made me a happy man indeed. So for all you old n bold who attended and needed new ones, i thank you. Oh and on hand over the bloke taking over never even checked the state of the ones we left. :)


On firing camp in the Hebs, we had two seniors who deposited their mattresses in the sauna every morning. Come tea time there would be calls for "Sgt Mattress to the sauna" so some poor chap could get a sweat on.


late95 i was on my tracker dog course at melton mowbray on route to sotat in germany ,one of the lads on the aes course, callum kosb swammped his mattress fully clothed one mega pissup weekend ,when he woke in the morning there was an inprint of his black jeans including belt on the mattress,obviously billed at end of course but i believe stormen left it on show for all to see ,as no one had ever seen a p***ed mattress in that state before.

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