Swamp guilt

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Sep 27, 2008.

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  1. Chateaux Donut this morning, bimbled in to the bathroom and there was a mountain of towels on the floor. 'Good girl I thought, she's doing her set down chores as per her duty'

    I unleashed the snake from his underpantular lair and pointed it at the bowl. Sporting a bit of a semi on coupled with me being too idle to lift the seat I let spray with a poorly aimed jet of early morning, yellow, scented wazz.

    I managed to sprinkle the seat, the back of the pan and a bit of the floor, shook the monster and popped him back in his penis hostel, pausing him to pat him and tell him he was a very special warrior. On going to grab the bog roll to clean up my spray I noticed there wasn't any.

    Knowing the washing was about to go in the machine I picked up what appeared to be a towel and mopped the p1ss up. Then chucked it back on the pile. Only when it was mid flight back I noticed there was a belt attached to it and it dawned on me that it was the nippers Capt Nemo dressing gown..... slight guilt...... but it was going in the wash anyway.

    I've just been to wash the motors and on my return I was greeted at the front door by my 4 year old nipper in her dressing gown........ with the hood up.

    I've p1ssed on my nipper..... what does this mean? should I come clean? How do I tell the doris what I've just done? Should I rape and kill her? Should I take it off her, make her shower and wash the dressing gown? should I keep it a secret and not say a word and refuse to hug and cuddle her all day?
  2. Well it was a honest mistake so I would do the decent thing and deny all knowledge of lagging on your sprogs security garment.
    In fact it is probably best to be a bit pro-active with the missus and suggest that your sprog has emotional problems as she is obviously wetting herself.Perhaps a course of electric shock treatments would teach her a lesson?
  3. It'll put hairs on her chest... Don't worry about it...
  4. I would thrash the living daylights out of Doris. The lazy bitch obviously just couldn't be bothered to lift the seat ready for her Lord and Master and as a result a young innocent will have to spend the rest of her life known as P1ssy Doh_Nut.
    Don't spare the rod Sir, you know it is the right thing to do.
  5. YOu could learn to aim when tinkling, remember to replace the andrex and tell your darling 4 year old that today when out shopping Shotgun sprayer is going to buy her a big pressie(red labboon or 99 is out though).
  6. They will start calling her p+ssy wissy at school and she will be mentally destroyed and shunned socially for the rest of her tragic and short life which will end on the M6 ala swedish twins

    Having said that if you repeat the process and double her round the garden day and night the local cats may not sh+t or spray in your petunia beds
  7. Maybe she'll start smelling like a Ginger...
  8. It means you have overcome man's natural abhorrence to urinating over his daughters. You've smashed a taboo which has been lodged in mankind's conscience for millennia. Golden champagne is for winners and I salute you.

    May I suggest that you now miss out the middle-man and hose directly into her mouth.
  9. Blame the sprog for being incontinent.
  10. You have merely marked her as one of your own clan.
  11. Serves her right for having sh1t admin and leaving her kit on the floor if you ask me. I'm more suprised that you actually have kids that haven't been taken from you by social services (Well after this who knows)
  12. Could you not have got the wee girl to hold your todger,and rely on her to point percy for you?
  13. And that, your Honour, concludes the evidence for the Defence.
  14. Go the whole hog and skiff her breakfast spoon as well. :twisted:
    You know it makes sense.
    Actually I'm surprised you didn't think of that first. You must be losing your touch, old chap.
  15. The answers obvious, give your daughter a cuddle, sniff her say "have you p!ssed yourself"?

    Then beat the child and get the missus to wash the gown.