Survival Test

After 60hrs in the jungle armed only with a knife and living by eating what they could catch and forage, the group were all back in camp, except for Private McGuiness. The Staff Sgt gave him one more hour and when he still failed to turn up, set out with a search party. Three hours later they came upon a scene of a fierce fight. Blood spattered everywhere, torn remnants of clothing, a piece of scalp with hair attached and flattened bush all around. A little further on , they found McGuiness, semi conscious, covered in blood and numerous lacerations and most of his clothing ripped to shreds. " What the f**k happened to you ? " the Staff asked. McGuiness mumbled painfully. " I was doing ok apart from being ravenous.Then, I saw this snake going into the bushes. I thought, I'll catch that like we were shown, skin it and cook it. " So, I crept up and grabbed it by the base of it's tail with my left hand and shot my right hand up the arsehole of the biggest f****n' tiger I've ever seen in my life. "
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