Supermarket Tag?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Incubus_Imperator, Sep 8, 2013.

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  1. Of late accompanying the Frau on her weekly forays to the supermarche has been less of a chore than usual due to the explosion of fitties walking around in scant outfits (well for shopping anyway). This seems to have died off of late.

    Recently, was trudging around the place with a self checkout gun I came up with a plan.

    These devices are brilliant. One, they reveal the cost of the shop, and how much is currently saved due to offers and the like... alas they don't show savings from reduced produce.

    This is handy as I can beast the Frau for not making savings, even though she is quite thrifty. But I soon got bored of that.


    Supermarket tag.

    Walking around, you could 'zap' fellow shoppers and add £1 to their bill, which would then be taken off yours. Obviously they could then 'zap' you back in order to redress this balance. Some sort of system would be in place to prevent multiple 'zaps' maybe a cutoff of 60secs before you could zap the same person again.

    This could also benefit supermarket staff, who could just dump piles of produce in the ailses to provide cover, rather than stacking them nicely on shelves.

    Obviously those without the self checkout guns would be free to plod around the stores unmolested.

    Would this make shopping more fun?
  2. Mr_Fingerz

    Mr_Fingerz LE Book Reviewer

    You're really, really, bored aren't you?
  3. Leg of Lamb, half prce. That'll be good for the Morrocan lamb dish.
  4. Handing out paintball guns at the front door would be better.

    The next time someone ploughs into your ankles with a trolley full of diet coke and ready meals you can turn round and pop him in the chops at point blank. The fucking speccy mustachioed cunt.

    Would make the fat cunts' scuffles at the ready meals aisle for the last korma a lot more interesting too.
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Fucking claw hammers and cricket stumps would work better.

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  6. I actually laughed out loud whilst reading this!

    Posted using red teachers ink
  7. I much prefer "mining" a shopper who I have taken a dislike to for no particular reason (although loud, obese or having something frozen made of potato in their trolly usually suffices). Mining involves putting something in that they wouldn't buy I.e truffle oil or canned artichokes or the like. Fruit never works as they sus it at the checkout.
    Usually you can tell when you have someone who will just pile the stuff on at the till and not notice.
    N.B. you get bonus points if they have a trolly and go to the basket isle or the ten or less isle.
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Wordsmith

    Wordsmith LE Book Reviewer

    I don't think you have quite thought this through. What you need is a combination self checkout gun and taser. Then you could zap your fellow shoppers and steal their purse/wallet to pay for your bill. If they came round in time, they could taser you, get their purse/wallet back and steal your wallet to pay for their shopping.

    Far more exciting...

  9. When your defences are down you'll chuckle again, possibly in a supermarket nearing the checkout or around the bargain bin.

    BONNACON, I like that idea. I'll try it on next weeks 'big shop' and report results.
  10. I'd just like an electric cattle prod for all the fat wasters who mong along at an excruciatingly slow pace and stop for no apparent reason without a thought for those behind them. You'd think they were visiting a fucking art exhibition. I just want to get my stuff and get out!
    • Like Like x 1
  11. And the old bints who think the supermarket is a social club, and stand in groups nattering and blocking the aisles.
  12. Grumblegrunt

    Grumblegrunt LE Book Reviewer

    supermarket tag to add to their bill? thats easy just wonder around dropping any old shit in other peoples trolleys - if its a couple and they leave it unattended then its fair game and at the checkout they assume the other one need electric blue shoe polish and budgie food.
  13. I only ever pop in for fags or alcohol or fags, or maybe alcohol; otherwise it's a pink job, so the missus covers that one. We have never had joint accounts but I am happy to let her borrow my debit card to pay for shopping so long as I don't have to accompany her.
  14. another version of this is to quietly slip a bottle of security tagged booze into an OAP's hand bag. When the alarm goes off and they are wrestled to the floor the old buzzard will assume their dementia is kicking in.

    I did this to the same bloke for a few weeks. Turned out it was Richard Madely.
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  15. How do you think Antony Worrall Thompson was caught. Candy on a baby!!! He was to pissed to notice.