Summing Up Your Marriage in One Sentence

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Yank_Lurker, Sep 15, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Went out drinking with some friends, and spouses/family comes up in the conversation. Mentioned my ex-wife does a bang-up job on my tax returns now, and my Swedish bud who's known me for near 25 years says, "You got totally FCUKED for 5 years, and all you got out of it was an accountant!" Frankly, it sounds like something I should put on a T-shirt. Anyone else think of a good one-liner to summarize the gaping maw of despair that was their relationship?
  2. Grumblegrunt

    Grumblegrunt LE Book Reviewer

    'Feed the cats' maybe as I haven't managed to get rid of her yet.

    or 'I only shagged her cos she was a schooly' (16 years old) :)
  3. 'Paternity test results'
    • Like Like x 2
  4. Q: "Why did you move to the other side of the planet?"

    A: "Because it was the furthest I could get away from my ex wife without NASA's help!"
    • Like Like x 3
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    It was in a church.

    Not sure I'm fully grasping the point of this thread.
    • Like Like x 9
  6. At least my kids didn't inherit the 'short,bald dickhead' gene!
    • Like Like x 1
  7. 'Sex' Isn't that something posh people have their coal delivered in? i.e. 3 sex of coal please
  8. The best thing that ever happened to me.
    • Like Like x 4
  9. I have a sex life like a Ferarri, I don't have a Ferarri
    • Like Like x 6
  10. Marriage is like a car, always requires a service and forever leaving you skint.
  11. Shite, twice.
  12. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    To sum up first marriage, would you like to see the scars? Psychobitch!
  13. In response to the question "Would you like a bag to carry your shopping"

    "No thanks, I've brought the wife."
    • Like Like x 2
  14. She's irrational and frequently pissed, but was emotionally crushed by her ex so at least she's easy to manipulate.

    I reckon I've got about the best one could realistically hope for, to be honest.