Suicide

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#1
I know you lot will rip the piss so im not even going to bother looking for sympathy, just want to know whats the best way to do yourself in if you have no guns, no high buildings/ bridges, no drugs ?
 
#3
Continual masturbation, so long as you don't replenish the lost fluids.
 
#8
Your a trooper, So I would suggest finding an armoured vehicle if your a Cav type and lying so one track would effectively cut you in half not only will you die but you will die knowing your mates will have to clean the gunk from the tracks.

If your an AAC type find a helicopter and do a diving header into the tail rotor, that way again your mates are going to be picking bits of you up from the floor.

If your infact a trooper with THEM just call one of your colleagues a hat
 
#9
cometcatcher said:
hairyhandbag said:
Read this
The thread title is 'Suicide', not 'Rage-induced killing spree armed with just a biro, a tax return and 17p in coppers'.
as pissed off and depressed as i am that actually made me laugh, well done

actually now you have said that, wouldnt it be a better way to go being shot by a police marksman after a killing spree,
 
#11
Trooper_Sefton said:
cometcatcher said:
hairyhandbag said:
Read this
The thread title is 'Suicide', not 'Rage-induced killing spree armed with just a biro, a tax return and 17p in coppers'.
as pissed off and depressed as i am that actually made me laugh, well done

actually now you have said that, wouldnt it be a better way to go being shot by a police marksman after a killing spree,
Just think of the paperwork....
 
#12
Up not across!

or

Rusty bread knife placed halfway up arm, bend arm pinching the blade between bicep and forearm and then pull blade across arm.
 
#13
Just handcuff yourself to the computer table and PM Ashie about politics.
Within 20 minutes, you will have gnawed off your arm and bled out.
 
#15
Get AIDS.

Inject air into a vein.

Nail up each nostril - headbutt table.

Run a bath jump in with an electrical item shoved up your arrse.

Play with marbles on motorway.

Order a cab in Cumbria and get him to drive you to Bridgend.

Drink yourself to death.
 
#16
PM CQMS, he just loves this kind of thing. He came up with a cracking method involving superglue and piano wire the other day. I'd explain, but it would spoil his fun.

He'll want you to set up a webcam so he can thrap himself into oblivion as he watches.

I suggest you dissolve match heads in beer and drink the solution.

What I really think you should do is call your mates, go on the piss, pull some harlot, root her and chunder in her hair. You'll wonder what you were thinking.
 
#17
auscam said:
What I really think you should do is call your mates, go on the piss, pull some harlot, root her and chunder in her hair. You'll wonder what you were thinking.
id love to mate belive me, but its a hard thing to do for a 17 year old virgin
 
#19
Trooper_Sefton said:
I'd love to mate belive me, but its a hard thing to do for a 17 year old virgin
Bah, it's an opportunity, not an obstacle! :D Dammit man, what sort of attitude is that? So you've been dumped by some cumsponge, it happens to all of us. Think of the legions of married blokes who would like nothing more than to be divested of their respective harpies, let alone being 17 again into the bargain!

Where's your sense of perspective, FFS? :) Eh?
 
#20
You are a long time dead. Your Mum and Dad will be tormented for the rest of their lives because you did yourself in. The rest of your family will be devastated. You will miss out on breathing, wining, dining, womanising, especially the whoring bit, earning a few quid, traveling around the world, getting married, kid's grandkid's and the opportunity to bother your kids and grandkids as you drift into senility towards the end in your seventies/eighties. Take it from a 54 year old. 17 is no time to turn your toes up. Have a chat with your Mum or Dad. Sort your crap out and in a couple of days, you will be really pleased to be here.
 
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