Suicide is painless

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by WalterWarry, Nov 20, 2008.

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  1. Quote - 'Police were called and, after breaking in, Sergeant Mark Carter said he found Mr Phyall in his sitting room, with blood spattering the walls, floor and a cabinet.

    "The electric chainsaw was embedded in his neck. The blade was approximately three quarters through his neck," he told the hearing.

    Central Hampshire deputy coroner Simon Burge said to the officer: "It must have been a huge shock to you."

    Sgt Carter replied: "In some ways it was, sir." '

    In some ways? How terribly British.
  2. If done right it only hurts once.
  3. That's horrific. :(
  4. No, it's funny.
  5. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    Its the ultimate in self criticism!
  6. Who the feck would think "that's a great way to kill myself...chainsaw meh head off!"
  7. Well obviously he did....
  8. David Phyall.

  9. Same sort of bloke who would tell a geezer with a sawn off to ""in your own time, go on" :D
  10. That's a bit dramatic. I think if it ever came to that, I certainly won't be doing it with a fcuking chainsaw.

    I want to be licked to death by women with no teeth.
  11. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    Ah the Bromptom Stomp! :wink:
  12. There's been a bit of academic research into the most popular suicide methods, results to be published. The study follows a recent increase in suicide numbers - particularly in Wales (LOL) and so far the results are demonstrating an increase of younger people committing self harm.

    Clearly - not enough wanking goes on in Wales....

    The most popular methods of suicide have changed, not so long ago - gas was a popular method of killing oneself... 'sticking one's head in the oven'. However, domestic gas in no longer toxic.

    Catalytic converters have also seen a drop in the number of people locking themselves in the garage and using the fumes to do the job.

    I can see where an increase in going for it with the chain saw might head up the scale of popularity.

    Jumping is also a good way to go... very tall buildings - so that you make a decent thud on landing.

    Poison is just fucking boring and must be avoided.

    Jumping off the back of a ferry would be my favorite method though, at least that way - you will be missing for a while and search and rescue can have the fun of the search.
  13. Ahem... Done here, old boy.

    For the love of fuck's sake, you even robbed my shi'ite pun about 'that'll take some topping'. Walterwarry? Waltingasmutts more like... :roll: