Suicide is painless

#1
Such easy words, been listening to them on youtube, so is it really painless, i mean does sticking your head under a train mean its as painless as sawing your wrists open with a black n decker hedge trimmer?

Its intriqued me, so im after Arrsers painless suicide tips, and hopefully one Arrser who will do it.

So thats two questions painless suicide and which arrser should do it.

BBR did it, but he was pissed as well.
 
#3
Painless is for homo's you want SPECTACULLAR, I mean big bold and TECHNICOLOUR, chainsaw your head off at the Traford Centre that kind of thing, let us know how you get on!
 
Z

Zarathustra

Guest
#4
Such easy words, been listening to them on youtube, so is it really painless, i mean does sticking your head under a train mean its as painless as sawing your wrists open with a black n decker hedge trimmer?

Its intriqued me, so im after Arrsers painless suicide tips, and hopefully one Arrser who will do it.

So thats two questions painless suicide and which arrser should do it.

BBR did it, but he was pissed as well.
Polly filler, 200 chocolate bars and laxatives. Doubt it would be painless but it might be spectacular in a way.

I think that any of the dribbeling cunts that post shit about what sort of tie people wear while meeting the queen should try it.


On a serious note (Yes I realise this is the NAAFI) I read an article about this and apparently you're far more likely to either die in excruciating pain or survive with severe disabilities such as brain damage or damage to tendons from slitting wrists etc.
 
#5
I think that more people who commit suicide should consider those who have to come and clear them up. Being hit by a train is effective but makes an awful mess and delays thousands. Alcohol poisioning sounds fine.
 
#6
I think that more people who commit suicide should consider those who have to come and clear them up. Being hit by a train is effective but makes an awful mess and delays thousands. Alcohol poisioning sounds fine.
Jumping over a barrier and running on to a train during a period of high tension and terrorist activity could be very quick and probably painless.
Pick an empty carriage - less strain to the rest of us.
 
#7
I think that more people who commit suicide should consider those who have to come and clear them up. Being hit by a train is effective but makes an awful mess and delays thousands. Alcohol poisioning sounds fine.
Still leaves a lot to clean up. There was a documentary and book about jumpers off the golden gate bridge. Apparently some of the bodies are never found, so considerate if nothing else.
Oddly, due to the peculiarities of the bridge design, and the local geography, some of the jumpers look out to to the sparkling blue open sea, but fail to look down prior to leaping and land on the beach, which extends below one side of the bridge.
I imagine those ones are easy enough to find, and could present some cleanup problems.
 
#8
Jumping over a barrier and running on to a train during a period of high tension and terrorist activity could be very quick and probably painless.
Pick an empty carriage - less strain to the rest of us.
Rember,'tough on crime ...' Pay your fare. Penalties can be severe.
 
#9
Sign up with AQ. Blowing yourself up is spectacular and final. Plus you get to take out a group of people you dislike, say at a political meeting, and you get 72 virgins. Win-win.
 
#10
The song says that suicide is painless but we don't really know. No-one has ever been able to confirm it, or have they?

As fior the virgins, an expert on ancient middle eastern writings was on the radio a few days ago and dispute the interpretation of virgins and thinks that it could be fruit as the women get. But keep it a secret, we don't want to disappoint anyone at an early stage.
 
#11
Polly filler, 200 chocolate bars and laxatives. Doubt it would be painless but it might be spectacular in a way.

I think that any of the dribbeling cunts that post shit about what sort of tie people wear while meeting the queen should try it.


On a serious note (Yes I realise this is the NAAFI) I read an article about this and apparently you're far more likely to either die in excruciating pain or survive with severe disabilities such as brain damage or damage to tendons from slitting wrists etc.


Not if you do it properly.
 
#12
a good friend of mine tried to kill herself on two seperate occassions, the first time by drowning herself, she said it was one of the most painful experiances she'd ever had happen with her lungs "burning" for air

the second time was a bottle of gin and painkillers, she was lucky not to fuck her organs or die, i think it was charcol they gave her to make her vomit and she described it as like trying to bring up her stomach
 
#14
an expert on ancient middle eastern writings was on the radio a few days ago and dispute the interpretation of virgins and thinks that it could be fruit.
Raisins to be precise IIRC from my days in the medressa - the big ones you get in pies and such like. 72 raisins seems a paltry reward considering the trouble you have to go to to earn it; unless the raisins are intended as a metaphor for something higher.

Explain this to some Islamist youths of today and they won't believe you. Don't know what this country is coming to, etc, etc. Was never like this back in the day. Repeat ad nauseam.
 
Z

Zarathustra

Guest
#15
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Not if you do it properly.
Apparently it can be a lot harder than people think, people trying to hang themselves might use the wrong sort of knot or place the knot on the wrong part of the neck so it stops breathing enough to make you unconscious and cause brain damage but not death.

Taking overdoses but then being found and taken to hospital resulting in a possibly painful death as you die from organ failure instead of drifting off peacfully as people think you do.

The ex RAF chap who shot himself in the head and just ended up with brain damage for his troubles.
 
#16
Look, if you ARE going to do it, follow the Way Of The Rope. Hangers are (usually) much easier to retrieve and clean up after. And tidier, too: they nearly always sort the house out before hand. Don't worry about me seeing you swinging by your neck with piss and shit running down your legs - that's not always the case, either. Oh, and suspension gives you a goodly tan as well.

.............I say tan: I actually mean the flushed look of a crack-whore's legs who has been sat in front of an electric fire for too long.

Pills? Nah. Because you nearly always get it wrong and the floor is covered in sick and cheap vodka and it's a bugger to get it off my Oxfords. Selfish cunts.

No, self suspension is the way ahead: Where There Is Rope, There Is Hope.
 
#18
Apparently it can be a lot harder than people think, people trying to hang themselves might use the wrong sort of knot or place the knot on the wrong part of the neck so it stops breathing enough to make you unconscious and cause brain damage but not death.

Taking overdoses but then being found and taken to hospital resulting in a possibly painful death as you die from organ failure instead of drifting off peacfully as people think you do.

The ex RAF chap who shot himself in the head and just ended up with brain damage for his troubles.
Indeed.

Or the ex Army chap who occassionally basks in fame for attempting world record deep diving attempts and suchlike whilst being registered blind. His blindness was caused by a botched suicide bid involving a .22 round and his optic nerves.
 
#19
Someones sig block had this but I am going to nick it anyway.

Make a noose out of cheese wire and attach to a high point. Stand on chair and put noose round neck.
Now superglue your hands to your ears and then jump off the chair.
If you get it right it will look like you managed to pull your own head off.



Not sure if it would be painless though but as you would be dead it wouldn't actually matter all that much.
 
#20
Apropros of nothing, here's a little story to do with "Suicide is Painless".

A few years ago, I was at the heliport at Shaibah Log Base, waiting for a flight back to Basra. While I was standing around, a helo landed and out rushed a group of medical staff carrying a stretcher, lying on which was a wounded septic squaddie with various bits missing. The first thing that popped into my head was not 'poor bastard, hope he makes it', but the theme tune from MASH. Interesting that popular culture seeps so deeply into our souls that it sometimes displaces common human decency.

The moral of the story is: don't sit around watching shit Amercian comedy-dramas when you're eight. Go shoplifting instead.
 

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