Hello! Currently (and for the next 10 hours) stagging on as Master Chief Barrier Technician Operator at a high profile place that has the following ingredients available, either within the facility or directly outside the gate: * Loads of senior grown up members of various staffs and MoD administration. (although holidays now, so only a few people around, covering for others etc.) * Smackheads * Prostitutes (Both Eastern European and Nigerian as well as indigenous, see previous point) * A phone * Complete military phone directory * Remote control that allows me to operate the gate without being visible to the person going in/out. * A "Security QRF" (not from my unit, and not very Q) * A medieval fortress * Loads of foreign tourists Any suggestions for how to combine the abovementioned into something that could possibly pass the day just a slight, slight tad faster?