Suggestion for fixing the UK's economy

#1
Apologies If this has been done already, but I recieved this in an email today:

Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money
on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following
stipulations:

1) They MUST retire.
Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car.
Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week ......
And there's your money back in duty/tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their
falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

Also………..
Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment,
wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped
instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and
returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and
snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling,
pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on
request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would
have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay
£600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow
epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost
three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of
Cumbria?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to
locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we
should give each of them a cow.
 
A

allgone2ratsh1t

Guest
#2
Big advocate of stopping overseas aid whilst we tighten the noose around the Forces, NHS and other areas.
Stop lending money to EU countries because they are too crap to stop themselves from going into the red. Especially countries whose main exports is foodstuffs ie Ireland and Greece.
 
#3
It is totally perfect and really would solve some of the country's massive problems.

Absolutely fuck all chance of it ever happening then.
 
#6
Sounds nice at first but we wont be a rich country if we pay everyone over 50 to stay at home just as were a poorer country for paying lots of young people to stay at home by paying them social and housing which is more than our new lads get in their bank accounts after tax
 
#8
follow a hong kong type model and bin vat and cut income tax. But the first idea is prob on that mental. Copy the german heath care model.
 
#9
Or make everyone buy a British made rifle and use them as target practice...
Hard to do, unless you're really rich. My BSA CF2 was made in the 1970s. my other rifles are all German designs, Suhl, Kriegskorte, Mauser (reworked by Zastava).
Since Parker Hale went all tits up theres very little on offer for mere mortal game shots.
 
#10
Hard to do, unless you're really rich. My BSA CF2 was made in the 1970s. my other rifles are all German designs, Suhl, Kriegskorte, Mauser (reworked by Zastava).
Since Parker Hale went all tits up theres very little on offer for mere mortal game shots.
That does bring a problem up. fuck it let's just eat 'em :)
 
#13
Tax the poor at a higher rate, that would encourage them to get educated to get better jobs.....end of poverty.

Send all non professional immegrunts to France....not our problem.

make factories to employ the unemployed to make goods to compete with china
 
#14
We could always eat the rich...
You couldn't eat me 'cos I'm too tough!



Love, the one eyed, one horned flying purple people eater.
 
#15
Cut tax rates on business investment; reduce corporation tax; reduce income tax on high earners; cut VAT back down to 17.5%; make trade unions illegal. Any questions?
 
#16
Shoot any politician who attempts to fix the economy.
 
#17
Shoot any politician who attempts to fix the economy.
Strange you should say that, it's almost a coincidence: this arrived in my Inbox today -

"Quite scary - if quite true - & thats only the ones been caught.....
First rule of politics is to turn public money into private money & secondly, dont get caught..

I bet this will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside!

Can you imagine working for a company that only has a little more than 635 employees, but, has the following employee statistics..

29 have been accused of spouse abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
9 have been accused of writing bad cheques
17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year
and collectively, this year alone, they have cost the British tax payer £92,993,748 in expenses!!!

Which organisation is this?

It's the 635 members of the House of Commons.

The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

What a bunch of crooks we have running our country - it says it all...

And just to top all that they probably have the best 'corporate' pension scheme in the country!!

If you agree that this is an appalling state of affairs, please pass it on to everyone you know."

So, I'm passing it on to you guys.
 
#18
Big advocate of stopping overseas aid whilst we tighten the noose around the Forces, NHS and other areas.
Stop lending money to EU countries because they are too crap to stop themselves from going into the red. Especially countries whose main exports is foodstuffs ie Ireland and Greece.

Alternatively, we could BORROW money at a nice low interest rate, and then LEND exactly the same money to countries like (say) Ireland at a much HIGHER interest rate - and pocket the difference. Oh no, sorry, that's NOT an "alternative"... in fact it's exactly what we ARE doing.

Have you ever considered replacing pub gossip with a decent newspaper as your main source of information?
 
#19
Why not go back to the tried and tested policy of invading countries full of fuzzywuzzies and nicking all their assets ? Oh, Libya, right, someone's on the case.
 
#20
Firstly, fuck off the European Union. Saving £9billion per year.
Stop overseas aid to pay for the cut in fuel duty. Saving £7.8billion per year

- Slash the Duty on fuel by 75% so as to leave people with more money to spend.
- Charge an emmissions tax on all cars imported into the UK. Cyprus does it and raises €80million per year, so just think of what we could earn.
- Slash the duty on Fags and Booze so as to eradicate the illegal smuggling that costs the treasury some £2.6bn per year
 
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