Suggestion for fixing the UK's economy

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by The13thDukeOfWybourne, Jun 6, 2011.

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  1. Apologies If this has been done already, but I recieved this in an email today:

    Dear Mr. Cameron,

    Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK's economy.

    Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money
    on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

    You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

    There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

    Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following

    1) They MUST retire.
    Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

    2) They MUST buy a new British car.
    Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

    3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
    Housing Crisis fixed

    4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
    Crime rate fixed

    5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week ......
    And there's your money back in duty/tax etc

    It can't get any easier than that!

    P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their
    falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

    If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

    Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

    This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

    They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment,
    wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

    They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped
    instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

    Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and
    returned to them.

    A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and
    snacks to their cell.

    They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

    They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling,
    pool and education.

    Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on

    Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

    Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

    There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would
    have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

    The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
    Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay
    £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

    Think about this (more points of contention):

    Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow
    epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost
    three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of

    And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to
    locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we
    should give each of them a cow.
    • Like Like x 2
  2. Big advocate of stopping overseas aid whilst we tighten the noose around the Forces, NHS and other areas.
    Stop lending money to EU countries because they are too crap to stop themselves from going into the red. Especially countries whose main exports is foodstuffs ie Ireland and Greece.
  3. It is totally perfect and really would solve some of the country's massive problems.

    Absolutely fuck all chance of it ever happening then.
  4. We could always eat the rich...
  5. Or make everyone buy a British made rifle and use them as target practice...
  6. Sounds nice at first but we wont be a rich country if we pay everyone over 50 to stay at home just as were a poorer country for paying lots of young people to stay at home by paying them social and housing which is more than our new lads get in their bank accounts after tax
  7. ...but seeing as you asked, yes, it's been done before. :)
  8. follow a hong kong type model and bin vat and cut income tax. But the first idea is prob on that mental. Copy the german heath care model.
  9. Hard to do, unless you're really rich. My BSA CF2 was made in the 1970s. my other rifles are all German designs, Suhl, Kriegskorte, Mauser (reworked by Zastava).
    Since Parker Hale went all tits up theres very little on offer for mere mortal game shots.
  10. That does bring a problem up. fuck it let's just eat 'em :)
  11. Nope you would have to shoot the poor......I m not jelous of poor people
  12. You could get your missus to start by eating my C0ck
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Tax the poor at a higher rate, that would encourage them to get educated to get better jobs.....end of poverty.

    Send all non professional immegrunts to France....not our problem.

    make factories to employ the unemployed to make goods to compete with china
  14. You couldn't eat me 'cos I'm too tough!

    Love, the one eyed, one horned flying purple people eater.
  15. Cut tax rates on business investment; reduce corporation tax; reduce income tax on high earners; cut VAT back down to 17.5%; make trade unions illegal. Any questions?