Sucking a Tramps co-ck for money

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by convoy_cock, Jul 1, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. We were talking in work this morning. We’re just about to get bought out by another company and the shadowy spectre of redundancy is rearing it’s head. Of course, this brings financial worry and in these precarious times, the effect of losing your job would be magnified.

    With this in mind, I put it, over a brew, to a few of my colleagues about an hour a go. How much would it take for you to suck a tramp’s co-ck? After they’d get over the horrific visual image I’d created for them, in true middle class style, they started to weigh up the pros and cons, firing questions that immediately began to normalise the experience.

    “Could I make the tramp wash his co-ck first?”
    “Would anybody be allowed to watch?”
    “Would the tramp be certificated as free from any disease that might be passed on during the sucking of the co-ck?”
    “Could it just be a short co-cksucking, or would I be obliged to suck the tramps co-ck to completion?”
    “Would I have to swallow the tramp’s methsy spunk?”
    “Could I have a guarantee that the tramp wasn’t the vagrant version of Peter North, so I didn’t drown in hobo jizz?”

    All of the questions were batted away carelessly. I explained to the gathered brew group, that this dilemma had been heavily discussed over many gate guards and prowlers. It’s particularly fine points had been analysed and decided upon, up a sangar at Alma-Dettingen prison over a punishment, 6 hour stag.

    There’s no cleaning the tramp up, or making distinctions that might go some way to preserving a tiny bit of dignity, whilst you come to terms with having sucked a tramp’s co-ck for money. The tramp would be selected randomly from underneath the Mancunian Way roundabout, where they congregate to shadow box and count their remaining teeth. He would not have to remain silent during the bum-fellatio session, and would probably utter tramp sweet-nothings as he grabbed your ears with his Nosferatu hands.

    “OOOhhh that’s right, suck that scabby knob, baby”
    “Mmmmm, that feels soooo good. Keep going. I can feel some of that petrified smegma beginning to loosen up a bit.”

    There would be no filming, but other tramps would be allowed to watch and cheer their fellow derelict on.

    “Go on, Three Toed Jimmy, take full advantage of that full set of teeth!!!”

    I would be interested to hear of other Arrsers rules for such an event, so that a charter might eventually be formed, to put the subject to bed once and for all. If the rules get sorted out, it could be one of the next bush tucker trials on ‘I’m a Celebrity’

    The general consensus amongst this morning’s group, were that it would take a life changing amount of money to get them to nosh a panhandlers pecker. I’m cool with that. Mortgage clearance or a weekly cheque for the rest of my life might see me getting down to the Kentucky to stock up on wet wipes.


    Look at him, with a bellend more be-barnacled than the hull of the Tirpitz, how could you resist.
  2. Well if you get made redundant you can always claim KSA Konb Suckers allowance. The fact that you have posted such a topic makes me think that you are already considering such an act and just want some final approval before you embark on the activity.
  3. Jesus Christ no, simply no.

    I'd rather go down the pan, ditch the wife and start again.
  4. Just the thought of it has made me a bit moist. Our question was "For a million pounds would you take it up the arrse?" One of the lads replied that he'd do it for a golden handbag - and he wasn't even in the Household Cavalry...
  5. Cleaning up a tramps c0-ck prior to blowing him makes the entire act just gay.

    To make it more real and to truly feel you'd earned your life saving cheque, you'd have to find one, sleeping on a bench, eight ace spilling over his chest. You'd have to undo his home made belt of string and an old dressing gown robe, fumble round inside his tea stained and crusty apple catchers for his sleeping champ.

    Thats when you have to bite the bullet and chow down.

    No prettying it up, make an oral assault on a sleeping tramp and complete him, your choice whether he sprays your face or you gulp it down.

    If you need to restore your heteroness afterwards, hoof him in the guts and torch him, as he burns tell him you only did it for the cash and hock up a spermy greeny and hoik it at him
  6. ten grand, a wet wipe, a bottle of mouth wash and a bargin bucket of KFC with a mint chock chip Vienetta.
  7. I'd probably do it for the bus fair home.
  8. again?
  9. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    I would suggest that before you start, you get as many bottles or cans of what he's drinking as you can and neck the lot, then sleep on the bench next to him, in your own vomit whilst you swamp it. You'll wake up all nice and cold, and smelly, and smeggy, and hung-over and you'll feel so fcuking awful that you won't really notice the taste of the cheese and scabs.
  10. my travel card ran out. Don't judge me.
  11. quite an indepth reply, the voice of experience?
  12. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    Thus spake experience?
  13. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    I can't remember much about it actually, but what really p1sses me off is that nobody offered me any money!!
  14. A new low.