Subaltern + marriage

Discussion in 'Officers' started by westy_1981, Jan 24, 2006.

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  1. good morning!

    I'm commissioning in April of this year, and I have been offered a commission with the Gunners and the Parachute Regiment. Over the moon! ! !

    I'm also engaged and we're looking to get married next year. How are these regiments going to view this intent? Has anyone been/ or is currently in a similar situation?

    Any advice or help would be much appreciated.

    Also any comments by wives in either regiment would be great and how they find life in the respective regiments.

    Thank you in advance, Westy
  2. Word from the wise (or in this case, me!) Don't get married just yet. A few of my friends got married straight out of the factory and found life difficult. Missed a lot of mess life with is a bit part of being a subby and now think they missed something ggod. On the otherhand they did have big married quaters which were great for parties, so every cloud, silver lining etc. Also i think you need to be sure your relationship is strong enough, I know more that one marriage that has ended in nasty divorce over these kind of issues!!

  3. cpunk

    cpunk LE Moderator

    1. Congratulations, well done!

    2. Both Gunners and Paras will accomodate the fact that you are getting married, but you need to understand that as a subaltern, you don't get a huge amount of spare time and, particularly in the Paras, you will spend a good deal of time on ops, training and exercises. Will this be the life that you and your wife-to-be want in the early years of your marriage? If you think that you will be able to handle it, then go ahead, but you need to give the issue some serious thought.
  4. The_Duke

    The_Duke LE Moderator

    Westy - time in the mess as a subby should be one of the high points of your early career. The fun to be had in the mess, and on other random weekend socials is a key part of developing the bond with your peers, in addition to the work related parts of it. Also, as said, Ops/Trg/Ex plus untold other tasks will take you away a huge amount. It might be wise to take some time to settle in before you do the deed. That said, I married after 2 years of living in, and the quarter made a nice change from the single room lifestyle.

  5. Westy,
    Don't get married just yet - if she loves you, she'll understand!
    Life in the Mess as a 'singly' needs to be experienced if you are ever going to understand the Battalion/Regiment properly later on in life. You WILL NEED to bond with your Mess mates. You DO NEED to see them up close on and off duty, and they need to see you similarly. You will fcuk yourself by sloping off to your quarter and not 'joining in'. You will need to be 'one of the gang'. You will also be away so much, she'll not relish living in a garrison, not knowing anyone, and unable to get a decent job, or, if she has a job, you'll be apart anyway, except for the odd weekend, which, I venture, is probably how your life is now!
    I married after 4 years of single life in the Mess.
    Good luck to you, despite your odd choice of capbadge!
  6. The_Duke

    The_Duke LE Moderator

    PS Westy - It is still good form to write a formal letter to the CO requesting his permission to marry. Some of the more "modern thinking" mess members took the view that "I am an individual, I have rights, he can't tell me who to marry". Correct on all counts (ish), but the usual courtesies to the CO never go amiss. He may at that time make a suggestion concerning sampling a little more of life in the mess before you marry.

    Secondly, on a more practical note, it is almost impossible to get wedding cancellation insurance if you are in the army. Leaves the option of do it low key, so no great loss of money if cancelled (hard to sell that one to the Doris!) or take the gamble with a significant amount of money. Life in Para Regt is anything but predictable - forecasts of events are good for lighting the fire or wiping your arrse with!

  7. Put the wedding on hold for two years. Buy the missus some serious bling to demonstrate your commitment. Live in the mess and learn what it is to be a proper officer - you can't do that from the patch. Oh yeah, join Reg - don't join the gunners - better my sister a whore than my brother a gunner.
  8. I have accepted the Parachute Regiment's offer of a commission, and now i can look forward to a week with the Guards, PCD, P Coy, jumps and then the real adventure starts!! Cannot wait! Before I start posting questions about any of the previous has anyone got any info on previous, relevant posts?

    Cheers, Westy

  9. Well, it would not be the exact same other thread that you started in the Inf Forum only 4 minutes before launching this one.....
  10. The gist is - sample life as a single subbie first. I did 4 years as a single bloke before I got wed. Lets you experience all the fun and frolicks before settling down. How do you expect to pass on your advice to young subbies when you are the Adj or the CO in years to come?
  11. Have a look at the Infantry Forum: The lad has obviously settled on a career in the Parachute Regiment. Fair enough, but why ask the same question twice?
  12. i decided to post similar posts here and in the infantry forum as I wanted different perspectives on my question rather than a solely officer viewpoint. Thanks to all those who have posted, there is a lot of useful advice!

    Cheers, westy