Stupid stupid people(but so so funny)

Discussion in 'REME' started by mouse470, Mar 24, 2006.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Ok for a start I know I have kind have stole this idea from the R sigs but reading their threads reminded me of Just how stupid our own corps can be.(As well as having a little go at the less fortunate that we are normally attatched to)

    The old fave being making people try and bump start a trailer mounted 16/24 generator.(perhaps urban myth)

    One of my personal favourites is at 38 engineers wksp watching a certain CFN trying and trying like hell to remove the rear prop on a landrover 110 at the top of a very large very hilly car park at the back of B shops,How he undid the last bolt I will never know,But what I do know is how funny it was watching the 110 run over him and carry on to smash into the side of the Wksp.

    Any more......//

  2. Handbrake still clamps the drive train then ..... :lol: :lol: :lol:
  3. Its a transmission handbrake going solely to the rear diff.
    The only way to stop it rolling is to leave it in gear.
  4. When i had an unfortunate Cfn come running in with his thumb hanging off after starting a service on an 8 Tonner it turned out he had tried to undo the ADV without draining the air pressure.

    As he started to unscrew the last bolt, the cap sheared, and nearly took his thumb with it!

    An easy mistake actually in fairness to him, but we did give him some ribbing anyway!
  5. Sorry to hijack the thread, one of my favourites used to be, was we would get the new boys in NI to try and bump a disk cutter (Stihl saw)by rolling the blade along the ground and then lifting it into the air while flicking on the power switch.

    How thick can you get??

  6. I just remembered another one.

    Take one Warrior Rear door and One not very nice infantry CSM.

    After following the CSM in is warrior for a couple of miles with his rear door just open a little he suddenly stops jumps out of the turret and proceeds to try and close the door.

    He presses the button....nothing

    He pushes the door ....nothing

    He kicks the door....nothing

    He puts his hand inside the gap to try to pull it open............BANG....SLAM.....VERY VERY LOUD SCREAM

    Turns out the actuator bolts had come loose,so the actuator was all the way in but the door was not closed.

    It just so happens that the pulling on the door shifted the bolt slightly and the screaming started

    MORAL OF THE STORY:-Never Never stick your fingers where you would not put your D**K.
  7. On the NI theme we used to pick newbies up at the airport put them in the back of the van,telling them they had to sit under a pile of vests(armored type, becouse it was so dangerous)

    Just thinking of that made me laugh..
  8. Quality!!

    Not hijacking mate, u can tell stories like that any day of the week! :D
  9. Sending a nig to the stores for a long stand, glass hammer or right handed screwdriver. Without a murmur off they went.......

  10. Don't want to be a two sh1ts but we did something similar in NI in the 90's, a new 2nd Lt landed at Aldergrove, two of the blokes collected him from the terminal, they then put him in the back of the car and told him he had to lay down in the footwell as they terrorists took pot shots of passengers leaving the airport road, they then drove him in silence, after about an hour of driving ( he was told the transfer to the camp would take about 20 mins) they stopped in the middle of no where and then started talking to him, what he hadn't realised was the 2 blokes that had collected him both had Northern Irish accents, which of course they made even worse, he apparently paled visibly and started to shake, after a couple of minutes of this they finally burst out laughing and let him in on the trick and brought him to the camp were we were waiting for him, what a welcome to the Province. I bet to this day he has never forgotten that day.

  11. One Lad in my first unit wa scalled 'Wheels' after the fact that both of the rear wheels on the mini-bus the wives club were being taken to a p!ss-up in fell off on the tram tracks on the Hellweg in Dortmund because he forgot to tighten 'em up after renewing the rear barke shoes............ Oh how we laughed............. Funny though, the wifeys didnt apparently.......

    He still sticks in my mind for another reason as well. One of the lads would routinely wander in to rest-room at the beginning of NAAFI break and flop in a chair with his Bockie saying "I'm Hank Marvin me".... One day wheels asked what he meant so a long talk on rhyming slang ensued then it was off back to work.

    Next day Wheels enters the NB area flops into a chair and remembering his previous lesson on rhyming slang utters the immortal line.... "I'm Marvin Haggler me".............. Classic and I still use Marvin Hagler to this day in place of hank marvin....

    What a bloke, Wheels me ald, if you are still out there, Thank you..............
  12. I recall an 'incident' where a L/CPL Reccy Mech, went to collect his Foden from the main workshops (4 Armd), in order not to gas the pack section he flicked the emergency brake release switch and pulled out of the hanger in to the welcoming Detmold winter (2 foot of snow!)

    He made his way to the old tank park (Reccy Section) and after performing the compulsory pirouettes came to a sliding halt at the top of the tank park and dismounted just in time for Naffi break.

    Whilst we were sat in the section having a brew, an almighty bang was heard outside, we duly went out to see who had f****d up (a noble past time!) We saw the Freddie sat outside the section and what remained of a Bedford about 2 feet from the newly built Sergeants Mess.

    He had not re-engaged the brake release after pulling out of the main workshops and the only thing holding the Foden on the tank park was the bank of snow that had built up in front of the wheels as he came to the sliding halt, during our Naffi break, the exhaust had melted the snow with the consequences described above - Very funny, very expensive and Orders for the L/CPL involved, and people asked why 4 Armd was called
    4 Armd Joke Shop!

    If I wrote down all the c**k-ups that happened there I would be here all day!
  13. BIG Smudge who was with old 71 and missus with 4?
  14. We used to have a bit of thing about going on the lash all day and we would call it a "Leo Sayer" - all dayer - natch. Anyway this bloke turned up (Griff you know who you are) and told us about a bloke who heard the "Leo Sayer" thing and said one thursday, " anyone fancy going on Englebert Humperdink".

    Stunned Mullets alround.

    and the said bloke was partial to a half Bitter Lime tops.

    True that is, a bloke in a pub told me (with a whippet).
  15. Mouse...said Sgt Major wasn't a green howard was he?