Stupid Questions, Stupid Answers?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BlotBangRub, Aug 11, 2007.

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  1. Have we had a thread yet about absolutely bone or irrelevant questions that we heard asked?

    Any totally mongish queries or even better, any razor sharp replies to bone questions?

    This is my favourite:

    I witnessed this on another military forum I used to be a member of. This forum was being overrun by walts and wannabes all asking bone questions about run times, webbing setups, CFT’s etc. The knobbers were too idle to do a search for the answers and the membership (mostly Royal Marines) were getting fed-up.

    Along comes one fool and for the millionth time asks the same sort of question;

    'What do I put in my webbing to make it weigh 50lbs’

    The reply given was;

    ‘Two 20 lb weights and a 10 lb weight’

    Still makes me giggle now. :D :D

    Anyone care to share any bone questions or smartarse answers they have heard?
  2. what time is it?
  3. Q:Why do you jump out of perfectly servicable aircraft?

    A: Because I can, now f*ck off hat

    gets me everytime!!!

  4. When home on leave and have the pleasure of talking to a woman..

    Q. So, do you like, have a gun you shoot?

    A. WAH... And by the way, it's a rifle.
  5. Here’s another I did not hear myself, but read in a book I think.

    The Army/ Marines or whoever are going on exercise in Norway.

    They have just landed and have got on the bus for the long journey north to the exercise area.

    The Sergeant Major stands up and announces

    'Right lads, we have a long journey ahead of us, so what we will do is drive for a few hours and then we can stop for a pish and a coffee in the service station, any questions?'

    One lad sticks his hand up.



    'I haven't got any Norwegian money, what do I do?'

    Answer; 'You just have a pish then'
  6. When I was a Phase 1 recriut instructor, I was about to start a kit inspection before going out on the final exercise, when I noticed one of the recruits had his helmet on back to front, and had somehow still managed to get the chin strap done up under his chin! His helmet cover was also undone and was halfway up the side of the helmet, the story goes:

    Me - "What the f*ck (you could swear at recruits in those days) are you doing with that helmet, get it on the right way round." He then turns the helmet around and does up the chin strap, the correct way on now.

    I then say "and dont think you are wearing it looking like that either" (referring to the cover hanging off)

    He then removes the helmet turns it back around and again somehow manages to do the chin strap up, the rear of which are covering his eyes!!

    I did very well that day not to laugh, I just turned around and marched smartly back into the lines where I was incapable of leaving for around an hour!!!!
  7. lol

    a lad i was in training with, managed to bomb some live rounds in BACKWARDS

    then got frustrated and asked for help as to why he couldnt fit anymore in... this was about week 16 of 24 aswell... needless to say he got backsquadded 10 weeks, from week 23... gutted
  8. I remember a young guy in the gas chamber we where all doing canister change drills, rooms full of C.S. GAS so he takes a big breath undo's his canister pass's it round his back and tries to screw it back on and keeps missing the 1st thread, starts to panic as he cant hold his breath for much longer lift mask of his face takes a breath then tries to replace canister then near chokes to death lol

  9. mate i know a lcpl chef called yoda after eight years in the army still does that :roll:
    EDITED spelling sorry blue!
  10. Sometimes clever answers can be really stupid.

    Aircraft workshops frequently have people who are interested in the cabs turn up asking to have a look around and if we are not too busy we usually assign someone to give them a tour of one.

    I witnessed this in Ballykelly:

    Avionics Technician Sergeant stood on a Lynx engine cowling, briefing a visitor on the operation of a Rolls Royce Gem gas turbine engine.

    'Yeah, so this is the HEIU, that’s High Energy Ignition Unit, it contains capacitors which charge and release a spark at 30,000 volts through the igniters in the combustion chamber during the initial ignition phase and landing approach only, after that the the fire is a continuous self-sustaining burn. The engine is switched off by closing LP and HP cocks'

    We watched bemused and I decided to help out,

    ‘Tim, the lad’s 5’

    It was a little kid!

    HEIU, Dear God!
  11. Here's a REALLY schtoopid question......
    any Irishmen around who enjoyed the rugby today?? :D

    now I'll run like the clappers to avoid another black eye :boogie:
  12. It's good to give the porridge wogs false hope, as they were about to pack it in altogether.

    Us Irish people are all about giving you know.

    Now f**k off and get this back on thread. :D

  13. Yup stupid questions lead to stupid answers! :D :tongue: :D
  14. Stupid question;
    Was the Scotland/Ireland score 31-21 in favour of porridge jocks or did the bbc make it up...

    runs to hide behind coastlover for cover..
  15. We won hen