stupid questions and the replies you wish youd get away with

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by atmycommand, Jun 17, 2011.

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    Legend pal with his hands in his pockets "i sir, why are ya selling gloves?"

    sir harry tuzzo rocked up to a stand my old mans unit had set up, one fella was on a jcb kinna thing (whatever you old fogies had)
    he signals the driver to stop. Down jumps the driver,

    General says "theres oil leaking from your vehicle, wheres it from?"
    driver climbs under, dips his finger in and tastes the oil, stands to attention and replies "texas"

    any more?
  2. Have you got a match?

    Yes pal.Your face my arrse!
  3. Neither of those two things actually happened did they?
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Dougie B***** 2tp 2 AES Staffy stripped to the waste and shaving outside his tent on exercise, Saltau, one late Novembers morning (and it was fucking cold). Along comes young one pip wonder in parka, gloves and schemey boots: "I say, Staff, shaving outside?" To which Dougie replied: "Of course. I'm not fucking fur lined".
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  5. Very unlikely, but they are much more amusing than the dull truth, and on those grounds ought not to be doubted. They exist in a sort of preferable parallel universe into which we can peep from time to time.
    • Like Like x 3
  6. Along the lines of the tall story about the order being given to maintain radio silence during a exercise in the Fatherland.
    Fast forward to 3am;the radio crackles into life."Are there any friendly bears out there?" OC screams down the handset about the order for radio silence,and he would rip the bollocks off who ever it was that broke the radio silence.
    A pause of five minutes,the same voice saying "He's not a friendly teddy bear is he?"
  7. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    That'll be the same chap, radio silence.
    "I'm bored"
    OC comes on " Unknown Call Sign identify yourself" (or similar according to story teller)
    "I'm not that bored"
  8. That actually rings a bell VANMAN!! Standing at troop parade in the early nineties (212 Sig Sqn, Papa Tp) Sgt C**** M***** giving everyone a general dressing down, "You, Smith! Your boots are shit! Sort it out!" "Yes, Sa'rnt!" "Sig Baldbleep no one in the history of the British Army has had sideburns that long!" "Duke of Wellington Sa'rnt!" .........." My Office Baldbleep you gobby cnut!"
  9. i know it mean notihing too you but i swear on my familys life the first happened in batus in 2004! the second i just have to take my old mans word for it
  10. One occasion on exercise a visiting dignitary returned to one of my dets, forgetting he'd already been there & done the gladhanding. He strolled up to the det commander & said, "I say, Corporal, waht do you d in civilian life?"

    "I'm still a crane driver, Sir," came the response.

    One from a fellow staff officer at a HQ reception & beating retreat at a local stately pile, to very posh bird: "So, ma'am, have you travelled far?"

    "No, just came downstairs. My husband and I own the house."
  11. Oh well,if it was your old man that told you it was true,then that's good enough for me.
    I humbly apologise and withdraw my comment.
  12. Have you got a match?

    Not since Errol Flynn
    • Like Like x 1
  13. RSM pointing pace stick at Pte - "There's some shit at the end of my stick"!
    Pte - "Not at my end Sir"!

    SOMEBODY had to say it!
  14. BG Admin net Comd to Inf Coy HQ: Are you mobile yet over.

    Inf Coy Op: Wait Out.

    Admin Net Comd: Its quite simple, you just open the back door and see if the ground is moving. CLASSIC!
    • Like Like x 2
  15. it was actually looks like a clown on the end of your rifle, sir, not my end,

    This was at Pirbright Barracks and the young officer was in the Scots Guards at the time, Name of David Stirling,