• ARRSE have partnered with Armadillo Merino to bring you an ARRSE exclusive, generous discount offer on their full price range.
    To keep you warm with the best of Merino gear, visit www.armadillomerino.co.uk and use the code: NEWARRSE40 at the checkout to get 40% off!
    This superb deal has been generously offered to us by Armadillo Merino and is valid until midnight on the the 28th of February.

Stuffing big birds

#1
I fancy a good goose for the weekend but am not sure about technique.
Small birds I usually stuff from both ends but I haven't tried it with a big bird before. Should I concentrate on the breast or go in from behind and really pack it in?

I'm sure someone here has experience of stuffing big birds and can advise.

Cheers,

Ex STAB
 
#3
Oh I thought you'd got round big bird EX-Stab and in a kiss and tell fashion was going to post your best pics..


I'll get my coat !
 
#4
When i am stuffing big birds, i remove all dead skin with a wire brush and detol, you really need to pay attention those folds of skin that harbour all sorts of minging Big Bird skin complaints, you need to start stuffing from both ends, pack it in hard as they like it hard.

Heres one i done earlier
 

Attachments

#6
Just as when stuffing a fat woman, it is best to work your hand in under the breast and pack the stuffing there. Goose remains moister when roasting than a turkey but a spoon full of cream cheese inserted whilst stuffing often helps with the moistness. Exactly like stuffing a fat woman.

Don't put stuffing in the cavity as it may not cook properly and you might get an infection. Just stuff a lemon, some grapes or an orange in the cavity. Do the same to your goose as well...
 
#8
I think I can reasonably represent myself as a subject expert in this regard. See Cads "Fat Grenade" thread for details.

As a serial Fat Bird stuffer I find it is important to select the correct bird. Only hens will do! It's no use asking the butcher, check them out yourself. This is not easy, as the adams apple is hard to see under yards of fat. Carry out the scratch and sniff test thoroughly and check the general area for unusual: scar tissue, appendages, para blood group tatoos etc.

Before you even got to this stage you should have basted yourself liberally with alcohol for several hours.

Now check the stuffing, it needs to be firm. This is not always easy to achieve, some valid tips can be found in the most unexpected places, I find Christine Aguileras videos are quite helpful on the subject. Real chubby fans might try Nigella Lawson neading bread dough does the trick.

The correct method for insertion of the stuffing is a very personal thing. I find that insertion in the neck-end has the best chance of sucess. It always works for me!

More traditional stuffing at the rear of the bird can be difficult, the problem is one of reach. Large flabby over hanging fat from the, erm, drumsticks and parsons nose can get in the way. It is also easy, due to folds of fat, to use up the entire "stuffing" without getting any of it into the bird.

Afterwards let the bird cook for about 1/2 and hour on a hot stove, they are usually good for a breakfast.

Then bin her!
 
#9
Wedgy said:
Oh I thought you'd got round big bird EX-Stab and in a kiss and tell fashion was going to post your best pics..


I'll get my coat !
bloody hell...he had ME worried for a minute too! I was ferckling around in my folds trying to find him in a blind panic! 8O
 
#15
old_fat_and_hairy said:
BB67 I wish you would change your avatar. Drives me wild with passion every time I see it!
OFandH,lets not start this again! You KNOW that the last time I changed my avatar you got all over-wrought and w*nked yourself into insensibilty whilst rubbing your thighs with a block of lard! Have the ambulance service not got enough to do! :D
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#17
Greasing the hole with lard should not be necessary, as unlike a lot of birds, the larger ones grease up as soon as you take the feathers off.

It can be quite hard work getting the stuffing in, so it often helps if you can get a rocking momentum started before you stuff. I would suggest grabbing the thigh with both hands and rocking it back and forth violently until the rythm starts. You should then be able to stuff away nicely without having to exert yourself too much. Depending on the size and fluidity of the bird you are stuffing, it may be able to keep this up for some time.

Take care though, it may be some time before you are ready to put the cream in.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#19
bigbird67 said:
old_fat_and_hairy said:
BB67 I wish you would change your avatar. Drives me wild with passion every time I see it!
OFandH,lets not start this again! You KNOW that the last time I changed my avatar you got all over-wrought and w*nked yourself into insensibilty whilst rubbing your thighs with a block of lard! Have the ambulance service not got enough to do! :D
But I don't have many pleasures in life, and the enema is always welcome!Anyway, you know you are worth the pain.
 
#20
Mr_Deputy said:
bigbird67 said:
boys...i'm feeding my fat face again thinking about stuffing and turkeys and things :D
Not much change from any other Thursday afternoon then my love?
erm...as turkey is decidedly low fat,tis banned from the bigbird household! Please re-edit your original edit to include belly-pork, so as not to shatter the careful illusion i have built up painstakingly over the last few months Mr Dep!
 

Latest Threads

New Posts