Stuff that annoys me at the gym...

#1
Ok, perhaps I'm just a grumpy old sod, but here are a few things that get me going (today):

1) Women on the cardio machines at the lowest speed or resistance setting, reading a copy of Marie Claire without a single bead of sweat or other sign of exertion
2) As above, but chatting amongst eachother, or on handsfree headset
3) The tools who can't seem to understand the concept of the circuit in circuit training, and either fail to follow the numbered stations (1 to 20 - is it THAT hard?!) or just sit on one station, half-heartedly pushing out reps, and wondering why there is a queue of annoyed people waiting to use their machine. There's even a red/green light on the wall to time you between stations FFS!
4) People who don't seem to do anything, other than drink bottled water and move between resistance machines, talking to friends and occasionally pushing a weight
5) Chicks who hog the abdominal machines and exercise mats with their 'bums and tums' routines. Half of them would benefit from putting in even the slightest effort (see 1 above), whilst the other half appear to be sculpted from marble, have nothing to shed, and are probably feeling guilty about looking at that cookie during their lunchbreak at the PR consultancy.
6) Anyone who doesn't appear to be suffering like I am!

There, got that off my chest - I'm a grumpy (out of shape) old man. This probably belongs in the NAAFI, so happy if any mod wants to move this.
 
#2
I got a bollocking for reading an Eddy Nugent book whilst on the bikey thing one day.

I'd rather read than look at fat men's fat arrses.
 
#3
P.S. Stop with the swearing at me. Jim is a friend, not someone I want to spend time with, his bird would batter me.

G Y M. Ewww. Sweaty fat men.
 
M

Mark The Convict

Guest
#4
The more machines, mirrors and chrome a gym has, the less worthwhile it is. My own is in an industrial estate, and has 3 ergometers (which only get used for warmups occasionally) 1 small mirror above the bathroom sink, and any chrome that was on the weights originally has long since worn off.

The ventilation consists of dirty great fans on the walls, and if you're cold, you're not working hard enough.
 
#5
The more machines, mirrors and chrome a gym has, the less worthwhile it is. My own is in an industrial estate, and has 3 ergometers (which only get used for warmups occasionally) 1 small mirror above the bathroom sink, and any chrome that was on the weights originally has long since worn off.

The ventilation consists of dirty great fans on the walls, and if you're cold, you're not working hard enough.

Are you actually in prison?
 
#6
You need a few mirrors for form you amateur!!

I lost the plot a few months back when the 20 year old 'roided up "Gym instructor" spent 20 minutes sat on the only bench surrounded by free weights checking himself out in the mirror while on his ******* phone discussin what he was gonna be doing for the weekend

He was a bit ******* shocked at my flash

Not gym but old birds or any other ******* swimming in lanes, dawdling, all over the place with no lane discipline or realisation that I'm gonna push their faces in the scum trough till they stop moving
 
#8
You need a few mirrors for form you amateur!!

I lost the plot a few months back when the 20 year old 'roided up "Gym instructor" spent 20 minutes sat on the only bench surrounded by free weights checking himself out in the mirror while on his ******* phone discussin what he was gonna be doing for the weekend

He was a bit ******* shocked at my flash

Not gym but old birds or any other ******* swimming in lanes, dawdling, all over the place with no lane discipline or realisation that I'm gonna push their faces in the scum trough till they stop moving
What's wrong with old birds?

Bigbird and I still have you on our No5 list.

The gym is so overrated though. It makes you skinny and stuff.

I also generally vomit when I leave. Not through my effort, just because of the smell.
 
#9
What's wrong with old birds?

Bigbird and I still have you on our No5 list.

The gym is so overrated though. It makes you skinny and stuff.

I also generally vomit when I leave. Not through my effort, just because of the smell.
Old birds!!! FFS to some of us you and BigBird are young girls!!
 
#11
No, it just seems that way. There's no rape. None.
No rape?

I'm not going to Shellharbour then. It sounds crap. Bollocks to that. I'm off to New England or Florida.
 
#12
Gyms are for gays. Its a place of worship for them.

best thing to do is go running on the road / field rather than one of them treadmills .

also, your own shed with a makeshift bench and a rear axle from a ford transit instead of a barbell is preferable in my opinion
 

udipur

LE
Book Reviewer
#13
Gyms are for gays. Its a place of worship for them.

best thing to do is go running on the road / field rather than one of them treadmills .

also, your own shed with a makeshift bench and a rear axle from a ford transit instead of a barbell is preferable in my opinion
Yeah!!!

And Swarfega's for wimmin.

Grrr.
 
#14
Add to the list women, generally middle-aged, who smother themselves in perfume before entering the gym - thus ensuring that anyone who is working hard on a treadmill/cross-trainer suffers something akin to being tear-gassed when they step up onto the next machine.

M'dears - it's a gym. Expect to sweat. No-one'll mind.
 
#15
The thing that upsets me in Gyms are you cant clock a fit birds arse in a leotard without her looking in a mirror, which reflects into another mirror, which then bounces off another mirror which reveals to her your face drooling at her arse.
 
#17
The thing that upsets me in Gyms are you cant clock a fit birds arse in a leotard without her looking in a mirror, which reflects into another mirror, which then bounces off another mirror which reveals to her your face drooling at her arse.
#
Isn't that the whole point of Gyms? Since my eyesight has deteriorated, the binoculars are a bit of a give away though.
 
#18
What's wrong with old birds?

Bigbird and I still have you on our No5 list.

The gym is so overrated though. It makes you skinny and stuff.

I also generally vomit when I leave. Not through my effort, just because of the smell.
Surley your minge doesn't smell that bad after a work out!
 
#19
Stuff that annoys me at the gym are the PTIs. Why are they always short, tanned, gelled hair, high pitched voiced and cut about the gym floor in combats, a t-shirt and boots (which leave black marks)?

At the civvie gym I go to the "PTI" is female, looks like Pink, tanned, gelled hair, high pitched voice..erm...defo no boots and combats though. Bonus is she's straight and loves to go out on the lash. Also joined the phys class she takes "Bodypump". Sounds totally gay but the class consists of 13 ladies in lycra plus me and another bloke not in lycra. They love a bit of squaddie banter to move things along and I the best thing I've found is to openly stare in the mirrors and give a cheeky/filthy grin when they clock you followed with a Syd James laugh.
 
#20
Gym rage can be brought on here by the following:

1. Anyone swimming breaststroke in the fast lane.
2.Gym instructors who after two weeks training think they have a clue, and who are handing out some terrible if not dangerous advice.
3. Any bloke using a hair dryer , tanning booth, or worse still the fecking beauty treatment rooms.
4. Anyone who asks for the rugby to be taken off when I'm on the treadmill. It's the only reason I'll go on the thing if there is a decent game on that I'd miss if I was training outside.
5. Twats that leave the showers on.
6. Anyone not showering before getting into the pool after the gym.
7. Anyone reading on CV machines - put some fecking effort in.
8. Fit birds that wear baggy clothes.
9. Any fad machine, power plates, kettle weights, suspend yourself from the ceiling press ups, mountain bikes with games attached, whatever.
10. Anyone using a mobile phone.
11. Oxygen thieves that sit on the turbo trainers doing feck all when I want to use them.
12. My kids.




Apart from that I'm fine.
 

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