Stuff in films that isnt quite like that in real life...

[Cuddles]

Years ago, after watching the Italian job - the real one not the dodgy Septic remake - we drove a mini down some concrete stairs "to see what would happen". An axle broke and we spilled a lot of dirty oil onto some very pristine white steps and had to do a very swift recovery exercise.

Yesterday I cleaned out the medicine cupboard and decided to throw away all of the time -expired and non-essential drugs. I decided that with a two and a half year old Fenianette on the loose, a lab who thinks "in the bin" means "my food" and a teenage son that merely gashing this stuff was too risky. By the time I had emptied the drugs out of their packaging I had a kitchen bowl full of them. So to the lavvy and hey-ho into the pan...Now, in the movies these drugs would have disappeared and the cops would have been frustrated. In real life I still have a loo-bowl full of diclofenac, diazepam and temazepam plus assorted anti-biotics...

What other things that aren't quite like they are in the movies, apart from holding a handgun on its side and getting ten rounds in the inner of course, can you think off?

 

[brewmeister]

The noise bullets make when they whip past your ears.

 

[Goku]

Hollywoods interpretation of hacking always annoys me.
Have you seen the film “Hackers”?, well it’s not like that in the real world.

 

[best_behaviour]

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps....Now that never happens to me

 

[discodan]

explosions.. ie hand grenades going off or small ammounts of plastique... they show amazing fireballs and we all know that dont happen unless you throw said hand grenade or ied into a bucket of petrol

 

[whiffler]

Bullets do not ricochet off of sand.

Tyres do not make skidding noises when turning on sand.

An explosion means an explosion.

However, every alleyway and storage area in America is filled with empty boxes.

 

[Mr_Fingerz]

Cars blowing up when they've been rolled over.


Remind me to never buy a yank car.

 

[rabid_hamster]

I do historic fencing - two handed swords as a martial art - the weapons are blunt and we pull our blows but the techniques are real as a lot of the old fighting manuals from the 1400's survive.
As a newbie, first time I saw two of the guys going at it I was stunned - its nothing like the movies - hollywood swordfights are bollox. The real thing is faster, more brutal (even with blows being pulled) and the techniques mean a 'fight' can last as little as 1-2 seconds and none of this hacking mindlessly away. These guys were skilled.

 

[the_matelot]

ultimate farce

redcaps

FECKING 'MAKING WAVES'-CNUTS CNUTS CNUTS CNUTS CNUTS CNUTS CNUTS CNUTS CNUTS CNUTS CNUTS CNUTS CNUTS CNUTS

Any program that actually shows the RAF working

 

[Barrack Room Lawyer]

Petrol that ignites when shot, Eating 50 boiled eggs, no toilets in any of the star wars films, the list goes on.

 

[RTFQ]

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps....Now that never happens to me

I just wet myself. Your damn right they don't know the steps - and the coppers never join in by flick-flacking up the high street. It's also much harder to run up the side of woolworths, do a back flip and land on your feet than it looks in the movies.

Sex scenes too - in movies, blowjobs consist of the back of the female's head dissapearing from shot, a close up of the male leads face, eyes closed, then female reappears and kisses him on the lips. If she tried coming back up like that in real life I'd be applying a two handed sumo manoeuvre to the top of her skull to get her back down there sharpish.

 

[Ventress]

The car in Dukes of Hazzard which lasted 10 years, which wouldnt have survived one of its death defying leaps!

 

[Harry_Boomers]

People hanging off cliffs, whilst some villain is stamping like crazy on the remaining hand. Now that really winds me up! I only have to stub my toe slightly and im hopping aroundb for hours!

 

[Roogie]

When cars 'Jump' in films it essentially wrecks them and yet 2 seconds later, the chassis is straight, bonnet fixed AND repainted etc. That's just bloody insulting when you have actually seen it bend on landing. The only car jump i think is any good is the twisting barrel roll one out of 'Live and let die' which i watched the making of. A real jump and although there were a few cars on set to replace knckered ones, the next scenes show it in a non-perfect state and stick fairly closely to what it would look like.

 

[Proximo]

The baddy always revealing the plot to the good guys - my Boss never lets me in on the plan EVER...

 

[eve1962]

Actresses waking up in the morning with make-up perfectly applied and hair perfectly styled.

Actresses not needing tissues after sex to stop the dribbles.

Couples having sex never ever having that squelching sound that makes you crack up laughing.

 

[Bugsy]

I do historic fencing - two handed swords as a martial art - the weapons are blunt and we pull our blows but the techniques are real as a lot of the old fighting manuals from the 1400's survive.

So who reads 'em to you, then? Highlander?

MsG

 

[stoatman]

Yesterday I cleaned out the medicine cupboard and decided to throw away all of the time -expired and non-essential drugs. I decided that with a two and a half year old Fenianette on the loose, a lab who thinks "in the bin" means "my food" and a teenage son that merely gashing this stuff was too risky. By the time I had emptied the drugs out of their packaging I had a kitchen bowl full of them. So to the lavvy and hey-ho into the pan...Now, in the movies these drugs would have disappeared and the cops would have been frustrated. In real life I still have a loo-bowl full of diclofenac, diazepam and temazepam plus assorted anti-biotics...

Serious moment:

Err, flushing antibiotics (or indeed any medicine) down the lav is not only a bad idea, it's also illegal since these drugs get into the environment and the antibiotics in particular can cause resistant strains to develop. You may have inadvertantly caused an antibiotic-resistant strain of some nasty flesh-eating bacteria! Take them to the chemist who will dispose of them properly.

Back on topic:

Bullets which spark when they hit almost anything
Conical 9mm "cop killer" bullets munching through a JCB blade
lack of recoil (including arty)
Never-ending magazines
6-shot revolvers making 8+ bangs in succession
one gut-shot from a .25ACP resulting in instant death
American cars which can actually go round corners
Cars exploding when falling off cliffs

 

[CrapSpy]

The villain always taking a great deal of time and effort to explain to the good guy his plot and how he is about to die. Just shoot the c**t.

 

[whiffler]

A propos cars driving off cliffs - they don't actually slow down in mid-air. Something to do with gravity (v²=u²+2as IIRC).