Stuff i noticed on leave

#1
Having been on leave for a week:sleepy:, lying on my sofa, hung over every day, wanking myself to the point where my man juice has become lumpy and watching awfull telly - I noticed things that i normally would be too busy to care about:

We are becoming as bad as the septics with their "sue evrybody" culture. Joe pasquali is a nobber. If you fall over, slip, trip, at work or in public you can now expect to get rich from your stupidity. oh and don't worry about crippling the economy as costs will be recovered from "the other side".

Everything that happens to the cast of jeremy Kyle occurs "at the end o't day". Jeremy has evolved his circus to include the odd "heart warming" episode based on the difficult lives of mongy kids with limbs missing and 3 eyes and some shit talent that would be ignored if not for the kids bowel cancer, which makes my wife moan about how much of a heatless bastard i am for not sympathising with the little in-breds.

you can get a free pen if you ring 08001596500 and pretend to be over 50. :money:

every fecker wants just £2 a month to stop black kids starving/ dogs being kicked/ polar bears becoming extinct.

the ten minute Freeview on babestation is now an hour long.

Anyway i only created this account to help with my bordom, and i was wundrin what other people do to pass the time when on leave?
 
#2
Having been on leave for a week:sleepy:, lying on my sofa, hung over every day, wanking myself to the point where my man juice has become lumpy and watching awfull telly - I noticed things that i normally would be too busy to care about:

We are becoming as bad as the septics with their "sue evrybody" culture. Joe pasquali is a nobber. If you fall over, slip, trip, at work or in public you can now expect to get rich from your stupidity. oh and don't worry about crippling the economy as costs will be recovered from "the other side".

Everything that happens to the cast of jeremy Kyle occurs "at the end o't day". Jeremy has evolved his circus to include the odd "heart warming" episode based on the difficult lives of mongy kids with limbs missing and 3 eyes and some shit talent that would be ignored if not for the kids bowel cancer, which makes my wife moan about how much of a heatless bastard i am for not sympathising with the little in-breds.

you can get a free pen if you ring 08001596500 and pretend to be over 50. :money:

every fecker wants just £2 a month to stop black kids starving/ dogs being kicked/ polar bears becoming extinct.

the ten minute Freeview on babestation is now an hour long.

Anyway i only created this account to help with my bordom, and i was wundrin what other people do to pass the time when on leave?
It's not "Leave", its "Remand".
 
#3
Having been on leave for a week:sleepy:, lying on my sofa, hung over every day, wanking myself to the point where my man juice has become lumpy and watching awfull telly - I noticed things that i normally would be too busy to care about:

We are becoming as bad as the septics with their "sue evrybody" culture. Joe pasquali is a nobber. If you fall over, slip, trip, at work or in public you can now expect to get rich from your stupidity. oh and don't worry about crippling the economy as costs will be recovered from "the other side".

Everything that happens to the cast of jeremy Kyle occurs "at the end o't day". Jeremy has evolved his circus to include the odd "heart warming" episode based on the difficult lives of mongy kids with limbs missing and 3 eyes and some shit talent that would be ignored if not for the kids bowel cancer, which makes my wife moan about how much of a heatless bastard i am for not sympathising with the little in-breds.

you can get a free pen if you ring 08001596500 and pretend to be over 50. :money:

every fecker wants just £2 a month to stop black kids starving/ dogs being kicked/ polar bears becoming extinct.

the ten minute Freeview on babestation is now an hour long.

Anyway i only created this account to help with my bordom, and i was wundrin what other people do to pass the time when on leave?
You were on leave wanking yourself silly? Where do you live? On a desert Island?
 
#5
the ten minute Freeview on babestation is now an hour long.QUOTE]

Babestation is completely free to view! But they only get their boobies out after 10pm! Its the pay per view channels such as Red Hot that have the 10 minute free view. I would have thought with so much time on your hands you could have constructed an accurate post!?
 
#6
I don't live on a desert island, I do wank a lot, Babestation is free to view and with all this time on my hands I should have created an accurate post. I also should be doing better things with my time than writing boring bollocks on Arrse, but here I am. here is a joke to make ammends for me being a cnut:

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

See...I'm dead funny.
 
#7
I don't live on a desert island, I do wank a lot, Babestation is free to view and with all this time on my hands I should have created an accurate post. I also should be doing better things with my time than writing boring bollocks on Arrse, but here I am. here is a joke to make ammends for me being a cnut:

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

See...I'm dead funny.
I just wish you were dead.
 
#8
Having been on leave for a week:sleepy:, lying on my sofa, hung over every day, wanking myself to the point where my man juice has become lumpy ....

....which makes my wife moan about how much of a heatless bastard i am for not sympathising
She thinks that you're such a heartless bastard that she won't even fuck you?
 
#9
As you are a new member and you have mentioned your missus, its only customary (in the NAAFI anyway) to share photos of her.

This will exhonorate you for your shit joke and initiate you as a new member...
 
#10
Caterpillers. Oh sorry I thought you wrote stuff you notice on leaves.
 
#11
Anyway i only created this account to help with my bordom, and i was wundrin what other people do to pass the time when on leave?
A good idea is to find a like-minded soul here on arrse and pass the time of day. I've analysed your grammar, vocab and syntax and have no hesitation in recommending 'protectyourself'.

Look him up. You'll be glad you did*.


* Terms and conditions apply.
 
#12
I hate visiting the UK for the reasons listed above. In fact it cheered me up that the scum decided to burn parts of it down.


As the rest of the thread is boring I thought I would mention my discovery of the day. Remember children treat every day as a school day.

I just discovered my missus wears an F size bra she aint fat either. That will teach you all for slagging me off about liking boiled eggs BBQs.

No pictures I am greedy cunt and dont like sharing. I will when she eventually fucks me off for doing something stupid.
 
#14
I have been laughing at ARRSE for years in work and decided to make an account as mentioned to help with the boredom. It has beome apparent that my shit life is not something you would like to read about. I shall therfore stick with my tried and tested method of laughing my tits off watching you lot rip the piss out of the world. keep it up you cunts.
 
#15
I hate visiting the UK for the reasons listed above. In fact it cheered me up that the scum decided to burn parts of it down.


As the rest of the thread is boring I thought I would mention my discovery of the day. Remember children treat every day as a school day.

I just discovered my missus wears an F size bra she aint fat either. That will teach you all for slagging me off about liking boiled eggs BBQs.

No pictures I am greedy cunt and dont like sharing. I will when she eventually fucks me off for doing something stupid.
Don't bother, I shag her every time I am in UK. She loves having her hoop stretched too.
 
#16
I have been laughing at ARRSE for years in work and decided to make an account as mentioned to help with the boredom. It has beome apparent that my shit life is not something you would like to read about. I shall therfore stick with my tried and tested method of laughing my tits off watching you lot rip the piss out of the world. keep it up you cunts.
No, no. Come back, pull up a stool. Welcome to arrse.
 
#17
I have been laughing at ARRSE for years in work and decided to make an account as mentioned to help with the boredom. It has beome apparent that my shit life is not something you would like to read about. I shall therfore stick with my tried and tested method of laughing my tits off watching you lot rip the piss out of the world. keep it up you cunts.
Before you fuck off let me ask you this.

Seeing as you are posting on ARRSE you obviously have internet access,and as such have recourse to the greatest repository of porno mankind has ever known....

So why the fuck are you staying up late at night to watch babestation?

Yours

Confused of the Shires.
 
#18
I have been laughing at ARRSE for years in work and decided to make an account as mentioned to help with the boredom. It has beome apparent that my shit life is not something you would like to read about. I shall therfore stick with my tried and tested method of laughing my tits off watching you lot rip the piss out of the world. keep it up you cunts.

Don't go yet, we're only starting to get to know you.
Plus you might post pics of your wife. :)
 
Z

Zarathustra

Guest
#19
I have been laughing at ARRSE for years in work and decided to make an account as mentioned to help with the boredom. It has beome apparent that my shit life is not something you would like to read about. I shall therfore stick with my tried and tested method of laughing my tits off watching you lot rip the piss out of the world. keep it up you cunts.
You're right we're not interested in your shit life
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
#20
As you are a new member and you have mentioned your missus, its only customary (in the NAAFI anyway) to share photos of her.

This will exhonorate you for your shit joke and initiate you as a new member...
It is an equally age-old custom to respond to such requests with a picture of some winsome Reader's Wife culled from the pages of 'Asian Babes' / GILF Weekly .... this then initiates a round of

'That's never your Missus'

'Does she take it up the hoop ?"

' You poor sod '

etc etc

This is not my missus - she must be yours ?

 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top