Discussion in 'Health and Fitness' started by spaz, Mar 30, 2011.

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  1. I've just been out for a tab on the area, we were out for about an hour and a half. It was a moderate pace with a bit of doubling thrown in to mix things in a bit and a few hill reps to help build a bit of stamina.

    I didn't cool down and stretch off with the rest of the squad as it was a bit cold outside so came back to the mess to do it. I took my phys kit off as it was a bit minging and started going through the usual stretches.

    I started off with hamstrings and calves before moving onto quads. I then finished with a groin stretch which involves sitting down and pulling your ankles in towards your crotch then pushing down on your knees in order to stretch the groin.

    What's the best way of removing the Marilyn Monroesque brown pucker that my hurriedly wiped anus has left on the mess carpet? Does anyone know if the Sodexo cleaning contract covers this sort of thing?
  2. Have I got this right? You were performing grotesque contortions, in the Mess, starkers, heedless of passers-by, covered in sweat, mud and rectal seepage, surrounded by mounds of putrid PT kit, and ended up wiping your arse on the carpet?

    And you want advice?
  3. You could just do loads of them in symmetrical pattern all over the floor and then deny all knowledge of said new pattern.

    Try not to get caught though - the deranged 'naked from the waist down space invader' is not a good look.
  4. Brotherton Lad

    Brotherton Lad LE Reviewer

    It all depends. What capbadge are you?
  5. Cover it with a rug for inspections
  6. Get an afghan rug and place it over the aforementioned shite stain.

    A very unusual set of circumstances I have to say though.
  7. Why were you stretching naked?

    Buy a dog, train it to sit still next to the carpet stain and blame it on him.
  8. Have it framed and win the Turner Prize with it. Signing it might be difficult though.
  9. Volunteer to dog sit for your CO and then blame the chocolate kisses on his dog.
  10. Drink three bottles of VOK Blue Curacao and chunder on it.