Strap-On Dildo - Would it work for you?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by DummyRound, Jun 22, 2008.

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  1. Ladies & Gentlemen,

    My wife, gawd bless her, is a frisky young philly, with one excpetion. She has forbidden me access to her most treasured of love tunnels; her rectum. Despite a constant barrage of bribes and flattery this great lady simply wont budge...until today. I have hatched a plan that is both cunning and devious that will allow me access to her most pleasuring chute.

    She constantly lays the frequent line of "I will let you do me, if I can do you". At first I was replulsed by the idea. What straight man wouldn't? The mere thought of 12" of vibrating Black Mamba tinkering with my prostate is simply sickening and vulgar, and to be honest just not cricket! But where there is a will, there is a way my good friends.

    There are some top notch Sex Shops in Las Vegas. Las Vegas being one of those cities that brings the best out in most people, so of course it caters to perverts of all acceptable varieties (not sure about MDN). I took a look online and while browsing, I discovered a nice little kit that can replicate my very own wee man, complete with attaching hardware that will turn it into a strap-on dildo.

    Having passed this information to my wife she has found the terms acceptable. So, its on when I return home for some R&R. This begs a few questions, because all this has to be straight and above board for me entertain the idea of my replicated penis being shoved up my own anal cavity repeatedly. So I ask you:

    1. Just how gay will this make me in the eyes of your average squaddie?
    2. Would anyone else in the ARRSE world consider this a fair exchange of anal virginity?
    3. Has the line between hetero & homo been crossed?

    Any additional thought and/or comments most welcome in the DR sexual den.

    Yours sincerely,

    John Holmes
     
  2. 1. Probably not.
    2. Probably not.
    3. Probably not.

    None.

    Your wife......she's not RMP is she?
     
  3. If you think that's a good trade send me a PM - I've got some swamp land in Florida you might be interested in.

    And to make a link between two threads - anal fissures. Little bit of damage in there (easily caused if you are pushing back, eyes half closed - hey, I'm only speculating), and dear oh dear. You may think there are some pains in the arse on this website, but you'll find out what a pain in the arse is.
     
  4. is your doris an ex-para capt????
     
  5. Good God......it's a real poof!
     
  6. Having the prostrate stimulated is a pleasurable experience, especially when it is Mrs S_Y_N_T with a Strap-On. I believe it's called pegging, linky required:

    A double the pleasure vibrating one is pretty fine too, as long as you take you time and use lots of 'anal' grade lube.

    No you are not a gayer, you are having fun with your lass, you are doing something that is agreed by both of you and you are not exceeding limits.

    I personally draw the line at dressing in her knickers and stockings though, although she has yet to find out what my payback in return will be......it will involve her being tied up, a flogger, a very willing female gimp [in my fcuking dreams.........]
     
  7. It's only gay if you enjoy it and if you use a cissy lube.

    Wipe the damn replica with a smear of lard, roll it around in grit and sand, pucker up and make like a bitch, it will soon become your new best friend and you won't need the missus any more.

    Enjoy!
     
  8. A sound reply sir. I knew that this was the place to ask a serious question and hear from like-minded people. I will call she who-must-be-obeyed tonight and confirm my reservations with her.

    Buckets of Astroglide and its on like Donkey Kong.
     
  9. Just do her, and when it comes for time for your turn suddenly fall ill, oh is that a phone ringing, youve got the shits etc etc :D
     
  10. [whispers]gay...[/whispers]
     
  11. I know someone who did that in the "golden shower" scenario. He was like the Zambezi in full spate, shw was going for it, loads of cupping and rubbing, throwing her head back..............Comes to his turn and he went, "I think not", and left.

    Breach of trust though - you won't be asked back :D
     
  12. Come on FFS... you haven't has real sex until you've let your Doris bang you with a strap on.

    Alternatively... assuming she trusts you. Let her go buy the strap on. Whop yours up hers on the promise of the aforementioned deal being closed. Then just deny her, her share of the deal. She'll get over it and you'll have a toy to enjoy future fun together.

    I love these opportunities to provide good quality marriage guidance. :party:
     
  13. Just a thought here, if you go down the "wee man replica " route , wont that be a case of funking your self by proxy ?

    I have a strap on too, but at least its only used to tpe with........

    WW
     
  14. Just don't call her Dave when she gets to short hard strokes. Ruined many a marriage.
     
  15. Trans-sane

    Trans-sane LE Book Reviewer


    Well spotted Trigger. Obiviously have to get up pretty early in the morning to get something past you.