Strangest thing that has gone up your arrse?

#1
Aided by the courage of many pints of booze I shall begin.

When several of the lads came back from some visit to some military museum they returned with little toy wooden bows with wooden arrows with plastic suction cups on the end of them. When one of my mates was asleep across the room I correctly assumed that if I were to place the end of the arrow between my arse cheeks and slap the suction cup directly onto his forehead it would not only be funny as fcuk, it would propel me to a drunken godlike status. Unfortunately whilst wobbling over towards the victim he awoke and with the full force of his open palm shoved the narrow end of the arrow up where nothing should ever be placed (unless your name is mdn), hillarity ensued for everyone else and I remain convinced to this day I had a splinter on the inside of my arse for several weeks.

Right, so what objects have other unfortunate folk ended up having shoved up their arse in the many years? :cry:
 
#6
My arse is still virginal, however, I have professionally removed several mobile phones, vibrators, dildoes, jamjars, hairbrushes from peoples rectums. The most unusual object I have ever removed from an arsehole was a common house brick. No, I did not ask how it got there, either
 
#7
The Sun. People always say it shines out of my arse. :cry:

An enema. 8O 8O
A finger on point of shooting my load (her fingernail scraped and it fcuking hurt). NEVER AGAIN. 8O
 
#12
browny31310 said:
My arse is still virginal, however, I have professionally removed several mobile phones, vibrators, dildoes, jamjars, hairbrushes from peoples rectums. The most unusual object I have ever removed from an * was a common house brick. No, I did not ask how it got there, either
WTF not!!!!!!! That'd be the first thing i'd ask!!!!!! :lol:
 
#13
Slightly off the ball but I once got called to a job where a young 'intake' had been strapped face-down onto an ironing board, whilst his 'work colleagues' had shoved a plastic broom handle up his arrse. Young 'intake' being not to happy, had thrashed about a fair bit and on doing so, caused the legs of the aforementioned ironing board to give way,subsequently resulting in a 3 inch length of plastic broom handle snapping off and firmly buried itself in his rectum.

I think the MO's comforting words consisted of 'Welcome to the Citadel'

:twisted:
 
#16
Not my arrse,

Many years ago, Tidworth ranges, the days of SLR's.

Shooting finished, Troop is all in the back of the 4 tonner, tail gate up.
Last man scampers up and over the tailgate and jumps into the darkened rear. Cue ripping of cloth and muffled cry of pain.

He's landed directly on the barrel of an SLR held upright between someones knees.

It has entered so far that you cannot see the bayonet boss. :omfg:
General consensus is "Probably best if we don't just pull it out".

Removal of many jackets and jumpers to provide padding and a steady drive to the Med Centre.

The thought of it still makes me cringe.
 

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