Strange rash on my todger

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Dashing_Chap, Dec 23, 2007.

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  1. Hello chaps,

    It has come to my attention after a period of self inspection that there’s a strange mark on my most dear possession. It’s a slightly circular & red tinged mark located just above my tally whacker. I’m not sure how it got there & am rather confused by the mystery of it all. I fear the next time I unleash my nether regions upon an unsuspecting young lady she may notice this & perhaps comment on it. Naturally this sort of ridicule would prove to be the ruin of any man!

    There are a number of ways in which the rash could have been transferred to my beautiful body.

    1.) I took the liberty of some unprotected rumpy pumpy with a rather chubby history student, she could bounce like a bunny too! I remember when her carriage arrived she had a mad grin on her face that reminded me of a fat baboon I once saw at London Zoo. During the great act her little dog ran in & spilt red wine over both of us. I also received a rather cold nose in an undesired region but I’m not sure if it was the young lady or her dog. Afterwards we engaged in some banter about the French revolution whilst smoking a cig & still covered in red wine. Perhaps the rash could be an allergy to cheap Merlot? Maybe it was the dirty little strumpet herself? Or maybe her dog had an obscure disease?

    2.) Speaking of dogs, I had just come out the shower the other day & to my surprise my cousins little puppy rushed in & before I could do anything it shoved it’s nose in the vicinity of my sacred area. Naturally I brushed the little scamp off immediately with no sense of arousal whatsoever… But I wonder if that could prove to be the cause?

    3.) I’ve recently moved into my very own bachelor pad & without the service of mummy dearest to change my sheets I’ve taken to sleeping in a wonderfully greasy nest of breadcrumbs & a mix of my own & others bodily, artistic, creations. After a few months of sleeping in this mess I believe unusual body rashes may abound.

    4.) It’s been a while since I changed my underwear, the old inside out & back to front saves me loads on washing machine bills.

    I’m sure there are many other factors that may be the reason behind this unsightly rash but I’ll have to try & think of them & include them at a later date.

    Does anyone have a similar rash? Is there a G.P. in the house?
  2. You can't have been in the military. If nothing else everyone gets taught how to wash.
  3. Are you a student?
  4. What does it smell like?
  5. Are you a chav :threaten:
  6. You seem rather vague about the location and description of your symptoms; whether it is ABOVE or ON your todger, and whether it is a "slightly circular & red tinged mark" or an "unsightly rash". You really do need to let the guys at the sexual health clinic have a squint. From your description it could a range of diseases, including syphillis, ring-worm or warts. I trust this reassures you. :roll: :wink:
  7. I am a graduate sir, a young professional, or I like to think so anyway. Chav me? Certainly not! There's nothing more disturbing to me than an Englishman sporting a baseball cap.

    I have also attended basic military training as a weekend warrior, every moment of which was an honour, but they didn't go into such basic's as washing ones self.
  8. Post a piccie (3 quarter length, full face) so we can all have a laugh...err I mean make a diagnosis, of course.
  9. Plague. Definately sounds like plague.
  10. If you press a glass to it does the redness remain or turn white? Do you have an aversion to bright light?

  11. I may consider seeing the quacks but I'm a little worried about being spotted upon entering. The location of the clinic in this town is quite open & it would no doubt tarnish my already dubious reputation if word got out that I had the rot.

    I also hear that a hot nurse takes delight in administering the cure, which consists of a big, long, metal, spike which she shoves down ones dingaling! 8O
  12. Dashing chap.....your number two on the list worries me, are you sure the hund only sniffed it..
  13. No comment
  14. Dashing Chap, you're clearly cut out for military life. Frightened of a metal spike and worried about your reputation. You won't get in because they won't have a helmet to fit your head.
    Stick to being a young professional.