Strange little things that make SNCOs flip..

We all know that Warrant Officers and SNCO's have their Army heads on and that blatent disregard for Queens Regs can have them spiralling into madness with regard to poor turnout, haircuts and timekeeping, but what about the little things, unique to that particular Senior Rank that used to send him into a towering inferno?

I'm not talking about the ones that carry a ruler to measure sideys, I'm talking about sheer irrelavences that they thought they had half a case of charging you for under Section 69.

They must have had something horrible happen to them as a Nig or Crow, to make them flip out at the sight of something that they deemed 'Not Military enough'

I'll give you a couple of examples

1. Sgt Leatherman/Gerber Tool

As many of you will no doubt remember, it was predominantly Operations in the Former Yugoslavia and visits to the odd American PX that brought about the mid-nineties fashion of wearing a small utility tool on one's textile belt.

Everyone seemed to have them (certainly in theatre) and the 'fashion' kind of carried on when we returned to blighty. There was one Sergeant in the Battery who didn't see the need for this peice of equipment and God forbid you had the gall to wear one in shirt-sleeve order, on your textile belt in the summer. Remember, we're talking about a small, unobtrusive black pouch here, not a Day-Glo helicopter landing pad, but if he eyeballed this offending item, it was enough to send him into an apopleptic rage.

The mere sight of a 'small bulge' under a JHW in the winter was enough to have him creeping up behind you and whipping up your jumper for a closer inspection, rather like a 5 year old would lift a girl's skirt during a game of knicker chase.


2. WOII 'Tie Safety Pin'

Now this bloke was mental. Aside from us collapsing in fits one day on a Battery Parade when he spied one of 'his' troops ambling past the Battery Office during said Parade and gave him a toe to to hairdryer bollocking for a full five minutes for his absence until the poor bloke could mutter that he'd been posted to another Regiment at least a month before, this particular WO II had an obsession with 'extra' bits of No.2 Dress, that you could swear must be hidden in the Dress Regulations in a missing chapter, somewhere.

His was the 'Tie Safety Pin'

I'm not sure if it still happens now, but we all used to stretch our ties by soaking them and hanging floor-bumpers from them in depot so that they were about a bootlace in width and had a knot the size of a pistachio nut, when tied.

At any pre-parade inspection (You know the sort, inspected nineteen times before the parade itself) he would wander around flicking an index finger under ties to see if they had been pinned. Now mine was so long, that after tying it, I could have tucked it into the top of my Ammo boots and there was no need to secure it with a pin, but anyone without one was b*llocked to within an inch of their lives and sent to double away to the block find one immediately.

I think it was the Med Centre who finally put a stop to this practice, when our own Battery was billed for just under half a million 'opened' field dressings the week before a GOC's visit.

Any more? :D
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