Strange isnt it ...

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by phibeck, Nov 7, 2006.

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  1. Yest erday evening I was circuit training which I do every Monday with the same bunch of guys. The guy before me in the circuit was dropping farts all over the place. Silent ones obviously. They were god-awful foul, the most disgusting I have ever had to experience. I was just going to have a word with him about it, when I noticed that the apparatuses (apparati ?) didn't stink as he left them, they started to stink after I got on them. I then started to pay mpre attention to what was happening in my nether-regions. My arse was having a field day, and wasn't telling my brain about it. Everytime I jumped up, or exerted myself, out popped a gentle silent one.

    As soon as I realised the farts were mine, they weren't so bad after all. In fact I began to enjoy the odour, and was disappointed when the "attack" was over.

    Strange .....
  2. Yes I've noticed you seem to fart aplenty in the gym must be those stomach muscles working. Gym I go to has the bikes/steppers behind the treadmills and I'm forever dropping my gits always trying to squeeze them out quiet so no one knows were they came from
  3. I have noticed a similar Phenomena, whilst in bed last night i noticed a rancid smell and immediately leapt to the assumption that my cat had dropped its bait, however upon closer inspection I realised that I had in fact left the by now decomposing body of my last victim in her half of the bed, silly Billy. :twisted:
  4. The silent ones are all well and good but when at the gym you can't go wrong with a good rasping strain fart. Shocks everyone including the guilty party
  5. I was on the situps bench once in a public gym (not the private Monday training) and let slip a real window-rattler. It sounded like shorts ripping amplified a thousand times. The whole studio was really shocked, but not as much as me, as it was totally unexpected. I had to leave the studio, not in disgrace, but as I couldn't hold back the giggles. Actually thinking about it, I haven't been back since.
  6. Strain farts eh? turn up out of nowhere, no warning then just out they slip causing huge amounts of embarrasment and uncontrolable laughter.........
    we're so mature.... 8) :twisted: :oops: :roll: :wink:
  7. Thinking about it though have you ever been in a gym thats full of steroid enhanced meatheads wobbling about in front of the mirror, and gotten a lungful of a PROTEIN FART they're feckin awful so smelly you can shaggin see em 8O
  8. Tried a strain fart in bed in Bos. Put heart and soul into it. Filled the bed with bum gravy and sprayed Mrs KOTB. Never been forgiven.
  9. Can't help but notice the homo-erotic overtones there. Were you speaking in metaphors?
  10. It just goes to prove the maxim that

    He who smelt it - dealt it.

    Schoolboy error on your part there.
  11. The ones that are so smelly that you can taste them are the ones I hate the most ...
  12. Yeah but the one who said the rhyme did the crime*

    * B-ll-cks that's me then.

    The best unintentional ones are when you've just pulled or in the early stages of a relationship and let one slip while you're dozing off. You lie there wide awake in sheer horror, hoping to GOD that the bloke hasn't heard....
  13. We have to do regular Hyperbaric chamber runs with work . Part of the profile is a rapid decompression from 10000ft to 25000ft. All the gasses in your body expand as they are at 10000 ft and you fart continuously for the entire rapid decompression as do the 12 or so other individuals in the chamber .
    The next portion of the run is the worst .
    To recognise the symptoms of Hypoxia you have to experience them, sooo . You all take your oxy masks off to enjoy the rarified atmosphere of 13 peoples combined air biscuit in a steel chamber you can't get out of . Losing consciousness has never felt so good.
  14. A chum I had joined the TA, and was slightly too enthusiastic. Whilst on exercise and sleeping in a hutting camp he got up early to clean his boots. He felt a "morning salute" coming on, and gave a bit of help.

    He said it was his proudest moment - he farted so loudly that he woke up the entire hut. He wasn't so proud after getting a pounding from all present.

    I wasn't there, but he ells the story everytime he has a beer. So he tells it a lot. Never heard him fart though.
  15. Dutch Ovens - rip out a damn good greasy and smelly fart whilst in bed then slowly but surely push the wife's head under the covers so she can savour the flavour.

    Anybody know why its called 'Dutch Ovens'?