Straightforward crap jokes! - The "I'll get my coat" Collection - The Tumbleweed Files

What's brown and comes steaming backwardes out of cowes?

The Isle of Wight ferry
Ah the dear old Isle of Wight where many people prefer Cowes to Ryde
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

What do you call a deer with no legs or eyes? Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no legs or eyes that's on fire? Still no flaming idea.

My brother put petrol in the paraffin lamp. He's a flaming nuisance.
You wont catch me at the sales tomorrow,
I haven't got a yacht
Just passing...

Doting Jewish mother meeting her daughter coming off her flight; next to her, holding hands, is a Native American gentleman of noble bearing, with the most beautifully woven cloak, a plume of exotic feathers upon his head and a richly decorated stick in hand.
Mother screeches:
"Oy vey iz mir! No, no! I said a RICH doctor!"

Thank you very much, I'm here all week. Try the brisket!
Man dressed in cricket whites walks very slow into a doctors surgery.

Man. “Doc, you’ve got to help me, I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up my arrse “

Doc. “Oh really? Howzat?”

Man. “Don’t you fücking start!”
Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the disabled spot.

What do you call a drummer when he's dumped by his girlfriend?

how do you get a drummer to leave your party?
Pay him for the pizza.

What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality
What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? Tennish.

I think we're in for a bad spell of wetha.

I used to have a job holding a flag but now a pole's got it.

Saw a man being arrested by an albino policeman this morning. I thought, "That's a fair cop."

At any given moment, the urge to start singing 'The Lion Sleeps tonight' is just a whim away.

Bought my wife a bucket with a rope attached. It went down well.

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