Straightforward crap jokes! - The "I'll get my coat" Collection - The Tumbleweed Files

#61
What's brown and comes steaming backwardes out of cowes?


The Isle of Wight ferry
Ah the dear old Isle of Wight where many people prefer Cowes to Ryde
 
#63
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

What do you call a deer with no legs or eyes? Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no legs or eyes that's on fire? Still no flaming idea.

:)
 
#64
My brother put petrol in the paraffin lamp. He's a flaming nuisance.
 
#67
You wont catch me at the sales tomorrow,
Why?
I haven't got a yacht
 
#68
Just passing...

Doting Jewish mother meeting her daughter coming off her flight; next to her, holding hands, is a Native American gentleman of noble bearing, with the most beautifully woven cloak, a plume of exotic feathers upon his head and a richly decorated stick in hand.
Mother screeches:
"Oy vey iz mir! No, no! I said a RICH doctor!"

Thank you very much, I'm here all week. Try the brisket!
 
#70
Man dressed in cricket whites walks very slow into a doctors surgery.

Man. “Doc, you’ve got to help me, I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up my arrse “


Doc. “Oh really? Howzat?”


Man. “Don’t you fücking start!”
 
#77
images.jpg
 
#78
Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the disabled spot.


What do you call a drummer when he's dumped by his girlfriend?
Homeless

how do you get a drummer to leave your party?
Pay him for the pizza.

What does a drummer use for contraception?
His personality
 
#79
What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? Tennish.

I think we're in for a bad spell of wetha.

I used to have a job holding a flag but now a pole's got it.

Saw a man being arrested by an albino policeman this morning. I thought, "That's a fair cop."

At any given moment, the urge to start singing 'The Lion Sleeps tonight' is just a whim away.

Bought my wife a bucket with a rope attached. It went down well.
 

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