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Straightforward Crap Jokes! - The "I'll get me coat" Collection.

dlrg

LE
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Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
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Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
I just found out my girl friend's a ghost

Mind you I had my suspicions the moment she first walked through the door
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
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I got a new job offer and had to go for a medical.
The doctor told me to call next day for the results.
So l called the next day and the doctor told me, in general, all was fine but unfortunately, l was suffering from VD.
"Ah well doc", l said, "It must have been a toilet seat l've sat on".
The doc said, "You must have been eating it because it's in your gums!"
 
Just received.
I was wondering why the only place I could get a signal on my mobile phone was in the amusement arcade.
Then the penny dropped...

Sober October. I'm going dry for October. Won't please her, she likes a bit of foreplay.

I found a photo of when I boxed. If you turn it sideways it actually looks like I am standing up.

Just seen Elvis in B&Q...
Returned a sander!


Mary Poppins has stopped giving blow jobs whilst wearing lipstick...
Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious!
 
A man goes into a chip shop with a salmon under his arm and says
"Have you got any Fishcake's"
Bloke behind the counter says "no mate sorry"
The man then says "shame, its his birthday"
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
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Fang_Farrier

LE
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Book Reviewer
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ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, going on alarmingly because she thought he was with another woman.
“No, darling, I swear, I was at this nightclub, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of gold”, he said.
She said she didn’t believe him so she called the nightclub.
“Hello,” she said, “I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your club and I have one question: “Are your urinals covered in gold?”
To which she heard the barman say, “Hey, Clarence, I think we found the guy who pissed in your saxophone.”
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags its tail
And the other tags whales.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
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AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
My German grandfather Hans was a judge, highly respected as hard but fair. Like his friend, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, he had fairies in the trees at the bottom of the garden. The fairies drank two kinds of nectar, a strong red nectar and a much milder green nectar.

Granddad Hans tried the green nectar, which got him very drunk very quickly. His behaviour when drunk became exceedingly gentle and mellow. Which goes to show that

Hans the Judicious could be soft off his face with mild green fairy liquid.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
I saw my doctor the other day, he said you need to stop masturbating.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because I am trying to examine you.” He said.
 

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