A man has today been convicted of the theft of 217 tractors over a period of 12 years.
Trevor Bramley, 63, from Halifax, described by police as a "One man crime wave", admitted to all the charges at the crown court today.
When asked by the Judge what was the motivation behind his crime, he replied:
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major big shots of Rome. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach.
As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman without a bikini top strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.
He kept thinking to himself "Wouldn't it be great if she would just come down and talk to me." He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him.
They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place. They were at her place, a way down the beach, and they started messing around. It got so hot and muggy that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out.
At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no! My wife's dinner party!"
He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his villa. He ran up the steps of the villa.
He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the steps, he dropped the bucket of snails.
There were snails all up and down the steps.
The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the doorway wondering where he's been all this time.
He looked at the snails now crawling all over the steps, looked at his wife and then back at the snails and yelled: "Come on chaps, we're almost there!"