Straightforward Crap Jokes! - The "I'll get me coat" Collection.

a monastery has fallen on hard times, and they wonder how they can raise extra funds. It turns out that two of them had been cooks before taking their vows, and they suggest opening a fish-and-chips restaurant.

They do, and it becomes popular. The place is known for miles around for the fish-and-chips, made by two monks. It’s so popular, in fact, that the local newspaper decides to do a story on them.

The newspaperman comes by, and sure enough, there are two monks, still in their cassocks, working furiously behind the counter, putting out their fish and chips. The newspaperman calls out to one of them: “Oi, which one are you? Are you the fish friar?”

“No”, he replies, “I’m the chip monk.”
 

NSP

LE
a monastery has fallen on hard times, and they wonder how they can raise extra funds. It turns out that two of them had been cooks before taking their vows, and they suggest opening a fish-and-chips restaurant.

They do, and it becomes popular. The place is known for miles around for the fish-and-chips, made by two monks. It’s so popular, in fact, that the local newspaper decides to do a story on them.

The newspaperman comes by, and sure enough, there are two monks, still in their cassocks, working furiously behind the counter, putting out their fish and chips. The newspaperman calls out to one of them: “Oi, which one are you? Are you the fish friar?”

“No”, he replies, “I’m the chip monk.”
In cod we trust.
 
Yorkshireman: "Ay’up, Doc. Cat’s badly, like."

Posh vet: "Is it a Tom?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, yeh daft ‘aypeth – 'e’s ‘ere int’basket!"
Actually a Nottingham joke. True story: the late, great Seve Ballesteros played a game of golf against a local who did a neat chip onto the green. "Nice tee shot", says Seve. "Thanks", says the local. "But it ent a t-shot, it's a pullover".
 
I went to the Doctor the other day.

"Doc, take a look at my penis will you" using two hands the doc examined it carefully. "I'm sorry I can't see anything wrong with it!"

I said "I know....isn't it a beauty?'
 

dlrg

LE
Here's a small consignment of oft repeated utter rubbish.


-When chemists die, they barium.

-How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

-I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

-I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

-I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

-They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

-Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

-When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

-I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
Here's a small consignment of oft repeated utter rubbish.


-When chemists die, they barium.

-How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

-I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

-I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

-I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

-They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

-Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

-When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

-I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
When I go to Google to check Milton Jones's name, one of the first hits I get is Milton Jones one liners. If you'd told me that's where you lifted them from, I shouldn't be surprised.
 

dlrg

LE
When I go to Google to check Milton Jones's name, one of the first hits I get is Milton Jones one liners. If you'd told me that's where you lifted them from, I shouldn't be surprised.
It often makes me wonder who actually concocts these harmless little gems.
 

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