Straightforward Crap Jokes! - The "I'll get me coat" Collection.

My mum invited us round for lunch. Got to the car and it had a flat. I phoned and said that I would be late as my girlfriend had a puncture.
Dad answered and said "FFS! I thought you had a real one this time!”
 

dlrg

LE
Doctor: I'm sorry, I can't seem find the cause of your problem - It could be the alcohol...!

Patient: I understand Doc. I'll come back when your sober...!
 
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My neighbour told me his racist American cousin has quit the Klan...
He has started up his own #BlackLivesMatter group, and now he gets to burn down black neighbourhoods every night.
 

dlrg

LE
.........so the Future, the Present & the Past walked in to a Bar.


.........things got a little tense.

&

After some serious thought today, I have decided to quit my job at the shoe recycling shop.


Lately, I have just found the work too sole destroying.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
A man fell asleep on the beach under the midday sun and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs.
He was taken to the hospital.
His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs caused agony.
The doctor prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water and electrolytes, a mild sedative and Viagra. Rather astounded, the nurse inquired, "What good will Viagra do him in that condition?"
The doctor replied, "It will keep the sheets off of his legs."
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
I really don't know why I am addicted to this thread as the jokes are first class crap! Lovin it!
 
A man fell asleep on the beach under the midday sun and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs.
He was taken to the hospital.
His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs caused agony.
The doctor prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water and electrolytes, a mild sedative and Viagra. Rather astounded, the nurse inquired, "What good will Viagra do him in that condition?"
The doctor replied, "It will keep the sheets off of his legs."
...and also stop him rolling out of bed during the night.
 

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