I wasn't close to my father when he died. That was lucky for me as he stood on a landmine.
I’m calling bollocks on that story. Why the fuck would anyone shower after a round of golf?There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club after a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole. Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
(H = Husband, W = Wife)
H - "Hello?"
W - "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
H - "Yes."
W - "Great! I am at Brent Cross. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
H - "What's the price?"
W - "Only £1,000."
H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
W - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2020 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
H - "What price did he quote you?"
W - "Only £60,000..."
H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."
H - "What?"
W - "It might look like a lot, but I noticed your bank account and I stopped by the estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property."
H - "How much are they asking?"
W - "Only £1,450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover it."
H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to £1,400,000. OK?"
W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
H - "Bye...I love you too..."
The man hangs up and closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.
The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to??
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight....From the Aussies.
We were being inspected by the CO. Fat Cat (Gary Smith) was a bit of a likely lad and as the CO paused to check him out he noticed Fat Cat’s boomerang on his metal hat badge was a bit bent.
CO “Smith your boomerang is bent.”
Fat Cat “Has to be bent Sir or otherwise it would just be a stick.”
RSM (COs hit man and giver of punishment ) “ See me after the parade you little prick.”
Rest Of Us “Odd blurting noises.” aka trying not to laugh and also have to see the dreaded Regimental Sargent Major with Fat Cat.