Straightforward Crap Jokes! - The "I'll get me coat" Collection.

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
A man really hated his wife’s cat. One day, he put the cat in his car and took it to the end of the block and let it go. When he got home he saw that the cat had beat him home.

Undeterred, he put the cat in the car and took it a few miles across the city and tossed it out the car again. Upon returning home, he was astonished to see that the cat had beat him home again.

Determined at this point, the man took the cat and drove him across the city, over the river, through the woods, and clear across three counties before putting the cat outside and driving off.

Several hours later the man’s wife was at home when the phone rang. She picked up and it was her husband.

“Is the cat there?” He asked.

“Yes…” she replied.

“Well put him on the phone, I’m lost”
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer

Jeemag leaned on the bar at his favorite pub and announced.

“My wife Maggie must love me more an any woman has ever loved any man!”

The bartender inquired.

“What makes you say that?”

Jeemag beamed with pride,

“Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work..."

"Maggie was so thrilled to have me around,that every time a mail or delivery person came by, she’d run down the drive waving her arms hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’"

Such Affection, So Much Love
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
So! Here's a question for all mind readers.
 
Screenshot_20220625-233144_Facebook.jpg
 

DK27

Old-Salt
Really crap very old joke but what the hell.

What do you call an Irishman with a spade embedded in his head? Doug

What do you call an Irishman without a spade embedded in his head? Douglas

(Other genders other than him are available)

Taxi please!
 
Really crap very old joke but what the hell.

What do you call an Irishman with a spade embedded in his head? Doug

What do you call an Irishman without a spade embedded in his head? Douglas

(Other genders other than him are available)

Taxi please!
Yep right first time, really old and really crap.

Obviously "Must try harder" featured often in your school reports.
 
Really crap very old joke but what the hell.

What do you call an Irishman with a spade embedded in his head? Doug

What do you call an Irishman without a spade embedded in his head? Douglas

(Other genders other than him are available)

Taxi please!
What about the bloke with a seagull on his head?













Cliff.
 

Dwarf

LE
Book Reviewer
Girl in the middle of a tennis court?




Annette.
 
Woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen.
 
Man with a joint of meat on his head?

Hamed

Man with a couple of joints of meat on his head?

Mohammed

Man with a couple of joints of meat on his head down a little lane between the houses?

Mohammed Ali
 

Dwarf

LE
Book Reviewer
Man with a joint of meat on his head?

Hamed

Man with a couple of joints of meat on his head?

Mohammed

Man with a couple of joints of meat on his head down a little lane between the houses?

Mohammed Ali
I was telling a couple of those in a class, as they are a reasonable test of understanding word play. Now I actually have a teenage student called Mohammed who is now known as "two pieces".
 
Following a spate of thefts of cement mixers from building sites the police were called.

After initial investigations a Police spokesperson said, 'At the moment they've got nothing concrete to go on'

Check please..;-)
 

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